It's Monday; and My 34RD Birthday is Wednesday !!!

I would say that I have had a good growing up; My parent's are happily married and have been for 35 years strong. They both watch over my little one while I am here at Cave Care Group Home. They have done the best they can to provide for me... As well as I have done a fairly good job of working and going to school. In the book I got from GoodWill "Cultivated" by John and Stasi Eldridge I am learning so much. That it's ok to feel like your lost but it's not someone who is going to save you. You have to find it in the power from God and through yourself to not get takin advantage of and when you do to not give up. As I am maturing and my Birthday is coming up I find it more important to do things that will be meaningful down the road.

My List of 34 Random Things 1. Write Daily; journal and take notes.
2. Once A Week Buy 1 to 3 Nice Presents For Myself.
3. Talk to my family on Facetime Tuesday's and Thursday's.
4. Do not leave the safety and retreat of the Group Home.
5. Keep up with my blogging.
6. Getting Dentures soon; it should be two weeks from now.
7. Take notice of little things in life that make a big difference.
8. Put your best foot forward...
9. Put others interest ahead of yours...
10. Stay put in one place and don't run off...
11. Keep your stuff organized and neat...
12. Know that everything comes from God apart from God we have nothing...
13. Give yourself credit and know you've come a long way...
14. Don't slip back into the old patterns and negative behaviors.
15. Use your own judgement and know everybodies lifes different.
16. If you don't get to see your family often cherish the times you do get to spend together.
18. Do what you can to make the best out of your situation.
19. Understand that you can not impose on someone else's life.
20. Try your best each day.
21. Keep in contact with your loved ones.
22. Do not settle for something that is not good for you.
23. Somethings are better left as they already are.
24. Read at least 30 minutes a day.
25. Don't leave your safety and comfort for something temporary.
26. Keep your word and work to the best of your ability.
27. Don't overspend of see too much in a negative situation.
28. Do your part and take care of your responsibilities.
29. Keep your home clean and neat and take pride in where you live.
30. Read a little of the word everyday.
31. Listen and Respect your parents...
32. Keep up with your personal hygiene.
33. Love all... Trust Few... Do Wrong To No One...
34. Keep with your age and act accordingly.
Just talked to My Dad after we ate dinner and smoked; we had chicken spaghetti and garlic bread with some really yummy sweet carrots. We get five cigarettes at night and tonight we got Blue Carnival's. My Dad and I talked about the progress I've made since I've been back to the Group Home after coming back home from Mesa Springs.

Bewilderment Vs. Discernment

When first getting to know someone; I hope you aren't like I am. Thinking where did I first meet this person? This person must have come from my History Book somewhere... I just ate dinner and had two Monster Energy Drinks... First a NOZ Drink R.I.P. Dr. Naus; who was my Psychiatrist and I had been going to him for almost 18 years. I have spent 20 days at "Mesa Springs Hospital" and My new Psychiatrist is Dr. Bodea-Barothi I should hear back about Intensive Outpatient soon. I am diagnosed Bipolar Skitzophrenic and Now I have PTSD. Finally; I had a Monster Juice Pacific Punch. I smoked a couple of cigarettes. Now I'm silently in my room; thinking of how I just cut the rat tails out of my hair.

Today I bought a hot pink and black Worth backpack a new pair of Rainbow Stripped Nike's and two books. I must say that this book; Captivated by John and Stasi Eldridge is a good buy. I've gotten to chapter two and it's great so far. I also bought a book called "The Night Portrait" by Laura Morelli about WWII. My 34th Birthday is coming up and for my birthday my parents are taking me to go eat at Ninja Sushi. I spent yesterday with them and got to see my little 7 year old. We got slurpies and when I accidently spilt one I said "SHIT!" out loud and he was astonished...

There is a difference between being in Bewilderment and being in Discernment... First to be Bewildered means that your in a state of confusion. Curiosity deffinitly killed the cat; speaking of cats my Family's cat Hymnal ran away and probably got killed. I would be stating it the kindest way possible if I said that the last relationship I had was full of Bewilderment and wasn't healthy so I had to stop it. Learning to be happy being me and not depending on a substance to make me happy or the relationship with an older man looking over me to hold me to my highest regard.

Discernment comes from the core right now; as I am being contiounse of what steps to take and what to just leave in the past. Seems I write a whole hell of a lot and that helps get a lot of stuff off my chest; since talking off topic and about the wrong subject used to be one of my downfalls. There are only 5 of us here at the house on Hightower and most of the other people went to Meadowbrook. Yes I have lost some stuff along the way and have been; only this time my Birthday resolution is to stop the trending rebitual sentence of what has been happening for the last 10 years.