It's Already The Last Day of June,... May 24"; I am was accepted as a Texas Wesleyan Student with a 2.5 GPA. I'm will be furthering my career as a Bachelor of Science in Mass Communications. Since 2018", 6 years ago, transferred from University of Texas at Arlington. Taking it Moment by Moment & Soon Summer will Be Here! July will be bringing a lot of change as I continue to trust BossMan & My Parents & Having a lot of love for the three younger ones.
I had a Pleasant Saturday, thinking too myself! After Dad had left, I really started to pay attention to my own heart, again. I listened to some music and too about five educational segments. Then around 3:15PM; I walked to the corner store, TEXACO, and spent $9.06 and bought; a snack? lunch? of Muncho's, A Green Apple Gatorade, and Red Original Venom. I am in Advertising and I enjoy taking photos of what I purchase and.I needed to buy it because around that time I had gotten hungry and I didn't have a plate of lunch, although, The Chicken N' Waffles; we're great but me and my father didn't talk very much but about ten minutes. Outside, of our favorite morning ritual!
I question, myself, what direction,... since I am turning thirty-six what direction I will be heading myself into. My phone doesn't necessarily go into my laptop and the photos don't connect. In fact there's a lot of technical things I would like to know right now; but either I haven't had the time, patience, or objective too I don't know a day that I look mainly too my cell phone or laptop for stats; even though I took the course their simply aren't any. It's 7:18PM; just took my medication as the group was in a line, there's currently six residents in the house on Hightower. I need to read my MHMR handbook; as I am still questioning, why? I wrote on My "Day Dreamer" Planner, why? I wrote I have an appointment tomorrow.
My Father left me at the CAVE CARE group home around 11:30AM. Handed me four boxes of Lucky Strike Cigarettes and $40. I also received my Healthy Benefits Package! ! It's the Nineth, and I watched church, this Sunday! Woke up and it was raining, I had several cups of good coffee and even some Starbucks cold brew. With the fellowship of group home members, although, I wonder what is too much and never want to hurt myself by giving time or things they aren't needing or are ungrateful for; for instance giving a woman a pack for some money. Went to breakfast with my dear dad and he told me something. I learned this Sunday that even I am not that strong. I resist the urge to fight, but when verbally over vented has happened; I turn into a recluse and that's not at all possible because tomorrow I have to go to The Center! Three Coca-Cola's gone and three dollars gone and still, an organized backpack! Even though, I had tried several times to make
For the past month and since I have been blogging more; I have been putting an entry than researching it. My focus for this week is “Emotional Growth”. I have it written in my planner along with some of the notes I have taken throughout the week. I’m reminded of last month’s post on purposes for my life and I want to go over them again.
The Passion and Purpose of having a meaningful and creative life with My Lord & Savior, My Group, and My Family.
The Purpose of Showing Up for Myself and taking care of what I need daily.
The Reasons to seek help and Get things right by accepting my mental disorders and being active with self care.
The Purpose of being there for the people that mean the most to me and being a pleasure to be around.
The call to write passionately and purposefully on a regular basis and not hide away or get defensive about what people think about me.
I’m sitting outside again smoking my second cigarette before I go inside and I am going with my new caseworker today at 1:30PM. I transferred $10 into my Chime account from my Venmo; and have $15 in both accounts. Financially; I wish I was doing better and had more money to save and spend. There’s been rumors of being able too work around here at The Lions Center but nothing has happened to earn any extra money. Their looking into changing us to another location but it hasn’t happened yet.
I’m feeling disappointed in the fact that I don’t have a career; as I know that Student Loans are due on August 31st. I should have finished my degree in Advertising and Public Relations and I am being hard on myself about dropping out. If money were not a problem I would find a way to finish. I’m finally recovering from so much self pity and I am starting to like myself more and enjoying my own company.
When will I learn to be on my own? I’m finally getting over the pain of the past and a few caregivers have given me hope that one day I will be successful on my own. I know that I am also feeling some fear, frustration, and pain as I learn and gain the skills and knowledge to move forward in life.
How Do I Really Start Focusing On Self Growth & Starting To Accomplish All I Set Out In Life To Do?
I’m on my way to walk home from church, with my elderly housemate, who talks endlessly and I find hard to communicate with, without feeling frustrated. We talked to a graduating high school senior, who is excited to be going to college to do something in Ministry. She is going to a Christian school by the name of “Kings College” and was holding a bouquet of white lilies.
I remember going to Texas Wesleyan in fall of 2016, after leaving my parents house and joining my family at Cave Care. I went to school there for Production’s & Humanities and I have been meaning to use this for God’s calling, since I’m probably going to have to find a job and pay almost $4,000 in financial aid. It is still up in the air what is going on with Biden and FAFSA.
That’s what our sermon was on this morning, Ministry and how “Every Member Is A Minister”. My caregiver didn’t arrive to give me my medication this morning and she was there when I arrived home. I received my medication and five cigarettes, when I got home. At church ⛪️ I drank two cups of coffee and since I was at church I missed breakfast. Feeling much better after my caregiver helped me and talked with me.
Acts 2:16-21. Which states “In the Last Days,” God says, “I will pour out my spirit on every kind of people; also your daughters; Your young men will see visions, and your old men dream dreams, When the time comes, I’ll pour out my Spirit on those who serve me, men and women both, and they’ll prophesy. I’ll set wonders in the sky above and signs on the earth below, Blood 🩸 and fire 🔥 and billowing smoke 💨 , the sun ☀️ turning black and the moon 🌚 blood-red, Before the Day of the Lord arrives, the Day tremendous and marvelous; and whoever calls out for help to me, God, will be saved.”
My Dad texted me last night while I was asleep, at 8:45PM. Offering to take me out to eat at Skillet N’ Dinner. I texted him back a few minutes after I woke up. Waited on his call and decided to go to church instead. I prioritized going to church instead of spending time with my father; I need to take the time to celebrate the small wins that I make everyday. “Where there is a will, there’s a way!” ♥️ Wise Words With 🍪!!!
How do you know that you aren’t good at something, unless you try? Trying takes stepping out in faith and trusting the end results. Though, first you have to decide on what you want to try. I need to try things that provide a positive lifestyle. Since I am tired of my own personal negativity and being codependent, I felt disheartened that my father didn’t respond to any of my calls this week.
I’m at The Lions Center and we’re about to have breakfast. First, I need to realize what I want. I want good relationships, a sense of security, a growing relationship with Christ, a creative hobby, a bright future, and to be respected for who I am. I’m reminded from my past college days to not get so caught up in this trying, that I loose track of what’s important. Progress is better than deferred dreams or lack of trying.
Things don’t have to be perfect, and although I have lost parts of myself and am currently in a season of waiting and prayer. Depending daily on God to lead me down the right path, and soaking up a lot of Christian material about how to deal with life. I’m fortunate to be here, as I received my coffee ☕️ and am eating cereal as I write. It’s important that I have faith in the system I am in and am participating with my group.
May 9th 2024: Answered Prayer, I'm getting my chance to go back to college at Texas Wesleyan this fall. I sign up for classes the 16th, in seven days, and am really excited!
Trying to be independent at the young age of 15, to making mistakes and ending up here. Has left me with the fact that I didn’t always make good choices for myself and I need to take a look at the different ways I can start to follow God and my caregivers, instead of myself. I am learning as I grow older that, it’s more important to try to be myself in a group setting than try to do life on my own and ending up nowhere.
My caregiver called and said she needed the number to True Mental Health; although I don’t have a designated person to do this, instead I am seeing one person from their team a week. She said she was at JPS, and she would see that we get our medication and cigarettes. My Purpose; needs to be too better understand myself and how I can get past my 20’s; when I lost the trust of my family through sex, drugs, leaving, and being unstable. Now that I am in my mid thirties and am about to be thirty-five at the end of July on the 28th. This is more important to me than ever before.
I have learned that I would be nowhere if I didn’t trust in my caregivers, and my caseworkers. I’ve been a part of Cave Care Adult Group Home, since 2016. Although I don’t see my family a lot, today is Tuesday and I’ll FaceTime My Dad at 3:45PM. I don’t work or go to school, so it’s up too me to keep pushing myself to do better every day. Mostly that’s what we’re called to do in life, go to school and work. Though what if life didn’t go as planned, I am being patient at The Group Home for Gods assignment for my life.
Trust; one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have given up before and hurt a lot of people and a lot of people hurt me. From bad relationships to fights and finding the strength to go on daily sticking to the plan of staying in the group home. Trust can either make or break the relationship and the time that we endure.
I am glad it’s lunch time and I have mostly wrote in my planner and sketchbook after reading helpful articles on Discipline and Persistency. Multi-Tasking at the moment which they say is bad morals and not something you should do. So I will take the time to finish my lunch and go outside to smoke before finishing this blog entry.
Why To Trust ♥️🌹
When Someone Who Has Let Us Down In The Past.
If it wasn’t for God showing us first of unconditional love; think of how much we would be hurting. If from the moment you and I were born everything was perfect and we never had the mistakes after Eve ate the apple 🍎 from the Tree, God told her not to eat from. It’s especially hard for a teenager to not go along with peer-pressure and to start resenting parental authorities. At least this is my perception on my reality.
I was a 15 year old Freshman at McNeese State University who got involved with a bad crowd and started using CoCain and Weed for the first time as soon as I left my family. In 20 years I have experimented with all sorts of things I am not proud of. I am a recovering addict and have dropped out of college several times. I am glad to be alive today too tell my stories of growing up and getting right with God.
After having a little boy at 26 I have learned that we want our children too do the best they can, and I know and have to live with the fact I have let so many things happen and destroy my relationships. My Mom and I are having a hard time working through the past and I was devastated to the first time I had to confess to her. There’s certain things that we can’t hide, no matter how hard we try. The truth always shines through. The fact that I wasn’t married and the guy that got me pregnant has been hard to live with; and I know it’s my fault since I did the opposite of what God and my family were trying to teach me and learned the hard way. I once told my parents that I would not know if I didn’t experience what life had to offer.
I am willing to make amends and am known for my resilience. I can’t fix everything and the more I push it the worst it gets. It’s better just to take it moment by moment and see how things get better or worse. I have been sober for three months now, am staying away from sex, and depending on God more than ever before.
How To Trust!
Like I said, receiving and having trust, has been one of the toughest things in my life. My roommate seems to like watching Jerry Springer and Maury. Shows like that make me cringe and I don’t feel comfortable watching them. So I try to listen to my headphones or turn the TV off. When people don’t act like you want them too or things don’t work out, they say to talk and resolve them. I have a Pinterest Board on “Repairing Relationships” even though I don’t like confrontations.
I have told both my parents that I am sorry about the way I used to act and say thank you for everything you do for me and the family. Though I have learned through trials of running away that sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. It is especially important for me to come from a place of sincerity and of not giving up, as I also have a Pinterest Board on “Not Leaving”.
When you have to trust someone in order to survive, life is in their hands and I should have thought harder when I left my son. Although I am blessed that my parents and sister were there to take care of him.
I didn't go to Bethel Church this morning, church starts in ten minutes. I had coffee and a few cigarettes and my caregiver made eggs and pancakes. I enjoyed the times I have made pancakes for my family at my parents house; and I want to take today to reflect on the things that are working well in my life. We're preparing for Valentine's Day and I plan on going to the Dollar Tree to buy my son something special. The snow and ice is still on the ground. I was reminded yesterday, that I'm happy I stayed home and nothing terrible happened. As some of you can remember, last year in February I walked away from my loving home and was on the streets for three weeks during the snow and I got frost bite.
This time I learned my lesson and I'm safer than I have been in a long time. I'm taking better care of myself and am reminded of the good times and letting my past mistakes teach me a lesson. Yesterday, our caregiver cookie told me I have so much potential and I could really do good if I try. I feel that as long as I keep doing the things I am supposed to by, taking care of my life here and depending on God and all the help I receive I can do good and prosperous things.
I have Social Anxiety disorder and I need to talk to my Psychiatrist about how I might have PTSD. Though mainly I struggle with Bipolar Disorder. Fighting depression and negative thoughts. My family and group has been supportive and I find good articles on Pinterest that help me. All the articles about making money from blogging aren't as important as getting good help and gratefully receiving the love and respect I gain from being in Cave Care with supportive individuals who are also struggling in life.
Everyone at one time or another struggles with life. It's good to be active while having balance; as a group we have endured this storm together. God promises that you won't go through anything you can't handle. I find being comfortable a wave of discomfort at time; maybe because I haven't done the work to truly get right with myself and I need to read more self-help articles and watch more Christian based sermons.
I wrote about how somethings that are working for others may not work for an individual like yourself. One thing I am facing is too choose my battles wisely and not letting my darkest fears get in the way of living a good Christian, encouraging lifestyle. God says, don't be anxious, while the economy is having problems and we're still facing Co-Vid19. How has quarantine been for everyone? We just received new mask from our caregiver and we had two Co-Vid19 test in the last month. When we go down stairs we are to wear our mask and take precautions to making sure we are using good hygiene of washing our hands with antibacterial soap.
When asked by My Father, if I had used my laptop in a while. The answer was no; I have felt uninspired to write a lot lately. It hasn't been useful just to store my laptop away, I need to use it more. He said to research... Though what has been a reoccuring theme for my life has been to lounge in bed all day and play Coin Master or Doze Off to another episode of Fresh Prince.
It's the beginning of February and snow is on the ground. It started on Wednesday after my caseworker took me to go get my fingers looked at by Wound Evolution. Luckily, they are healing up and the Doctor said they should be done healing by my next visit. I was in good mental condition this time it froze and stayed home, learning my lesson from around this time last February, when I got Frost Bite on my middle and ring finger on my right hand. I have been staying home and enjoying it!
Things I'm Interested In Researching: I want to become than I am right now,
1. How to write better blog entries and more about Blogging. I want to write more, Truely I do, though when I am being hard on myself and not relying on God's word or simply feeling like I'm not uninspired it's hard for me to write.
2. How to grow closer to God and develop a strong relationship with my Creator. I am happy to say I am a Christian and depend on God for my life. I have a Journaling Bible and The Message. I have been active in my Prayer Life and God has been helping me a lot. I am glad that I am a beloved daughter of God! I have been a Christian ever since I can remember. Attending Bethel Church; but since it's still snow on the ground and going to be cold, I probably won't go this Sunday.
3. How to be a good steward of my time, my body, my mental ability and being a well-rounded person. I am happy to say that I have been doing better for the most part and things have been going well.
4. Having a career in Advertising and Public Relations. I don't want to talk about how I messed up through college and I'm hoping for Financial Stability and to get on to a good career track. I have started a small business called JF-Designs. Working on drawings, paintings, and photography, as well as writing and Advertising and Public Relations.
5. Things to do in the future; and how to move my life ahead. Everything comes with God's good timing and right now I'm doing a devotional on what to do during a season of waiting. In the future I would like to make some more money and be more active throughout every area of life.
Things I Am Looking Forward To:
1. Hopefully The Government helps us out with our Student Loans. I've been watching on YouTube about Politics and how things are working out in the economy. One of the good ones to watch is Ron Yates and another one is Stephen Gardner. I was grateful to buy this laptop, a desk, IPhone 11 with the stimulus checks that came in last year. I am hoping there is going to be another one but we're uncertain.
Stephen Gardner:
2. Spending quality time with my family and little one.
We had a blessed Christmas and on my phone there's this really cool clip of our Christmas. In January we celebrated My Dad's Birthday and we spent Martin Luther King Weekend along with His Birthday together as a family. I am hoping to have many more important memorable times together in the future. I moved out of their home in 2016; and have been living in a group home.
3. Going Out with My Case Workers.
My caseworkers change every week, this week I was visited by a girl in her early twenties, and we went to The Fort Worth Water Gardens, and to Target, and to $5 and Below. I bought several packs, 2, of cigarettes from 711. True Mental Health goes through a list of Case Workers and every week has been a different one. She called this morning to say that she wouldn't be meeting with me this weekend but was on call if I needed her.
4. Staying Home and Being Part of The Group.
We had to fend for ourselves after the storm started when we woke up on Thursday Morning. We had all day to do whatever we wanted. This time it meant staying warm inside and thinking about the mistake I made last year to leave during the Winter Freeze. Our Caregiver is making us a good meal and we finally got cigarettes and our medicine. I am grateful for my psychiatrist and the medicine I get to help me better manage my life. I have bipolar disorder as well as being a schizophrenic.
We have our daily chores around here and we all help out with, washing dishes and cleaning the bathroom. An old housemate moved her stuff out today. We're having a Valentine's Day party soon and this past weekend was the owner of our Group Center's Birthday.
5. Having More Meaningful Conversations and Current Events.
As of lately there hasn't been anything to talk about Not like anyone wants to hear about how I sleep at night or how I feel about the old times I used to run away. Or maybe they do? I want more meaningful times and things to talk about but I know that will include me doing my research and staying dedicated. I'm watching RuPaul's show about his Drag Races. There are good people to talk to here and the staff is really helpful.
It's Friday Night & I'm working on my blog. It's the weekend and I have plenty of time to myself to work on things I want to and enjoying the weekend.
I'm glad the Winter Storm is almost over and it's the weekend...
Hopefully In The Future I can see more readers and expand my blogsphere. I want to research some more to be well informed and to be a more put together person.
It's the last day of November and We had a Happy Thanksgiving. Our caregivers provided great food; we had turkey and ham and dressing and potatoe salad. As well as pumpkin pie and peach cobbler. I've stayed home for the most part but two weeks ago I had to go to SpringWood Hospital. The week before Thanksgiving.
The Holiday season is here and I'm realizing how fortunate I am to be safe here at the group home. Thinking about what to get my son and family for Christmas. I bought some Christmas Cards yesterday and two gift bags. Hopefully I find my family something really cool.
I did better with my money this week; and bought myself a nice necklace and pair of earrings from Sam Moon. I’ve been looking forward to getting paid my $50; from my parents on Friday.
Waiting on the pastor to pick me up; to go to Heritage Day Care Center. I love going there during the week; and on Friday we normally have a dance party and a drawing from the tickets we receive for doing good during the week. I
I have been sober for three months; and intend on staying that way & I am trying my best to improve myself everyday. I’ll be 34 in two months & I want to do better for myself & trust God in every detail of my life.
This Weekend; I’m not starting work but we will be soon. Soon we will be working at The Texas Ranger Ballpark & AT&T Stadium working concessions. It’s been since 2013 since I’ve worked; I received my Social Security soon after starting a job at Wal-Mart. I was offered a job in 2016; but started going to Texas Wesleyan for Productions and Humanities. The schedule didn’t work out with Fiestas.
Just took my blood pressure with my heart rate monitor; I started taking my blood pressure and I'm supposed to use the machine every day. I got the machine before Christmas and my Son's 7th Birthday.
In fact, there's several things I'm supposed to do and not to do every day.
I have matured in the last 3 months, a good bit.
Saturday: was socially akward and Friday I had bought some drinks for the group. Since we should always pay kindness back with kindness.
Then Sunday Morning; I went and first went to the Texaco and bought a large Starbucks Frappe, the kind that go in a glass bottle. I love street art and I placed it by Meadowbrook close to where I thought I was going into to turn and go to the house when two of our neighboors dogs had escaped and were going down the street. The brown dog bit me and when I kept walking a lady and her dog got attacked by the Big Black Dog. I am not too keen on dogs, and I am more of a cat person.
At our Mim's house earlier this year, we had a white Pitbull puppy named Ice who was only a few months old. He would whimper, bite, and our caretaker ended up letting someone in the family adopt it.
My Dad has our family dogs; ones a carrier tarrier named Chloe, and the other is a grey healer named Dixie. I just called my dad, at 3:35PM and wanted to see if I could come over for the weekend. The last time I saw my dad and Son; we went to "The Chinese Buffet" and to "Luxor's Vape Shop"... For Mother's Day.
I like my Vaporizer; and have had several Vaporizers bought for me. I have vaped ever since they came out off and on. Right now I'm vaping "Caramel Cappacino at 24mg" through a Geek Vape "Regis"; which cost about $75. In 2010 I took Journalism at UTA; now I'm working on Public Relations and Advertising.
I had a Large Slurpee today!
Looking forward to spending time with the groups and writing more and building and drawing some content for my portfolio.
What I Need to Do Every Day; From Now on After
1. Try To Bathe; and use soap.
2. Do some learning.
3. Talk to important people.
4. Help one person a day.
5. Blog and Add 5 To Pinterest.
6. Brush My Gums... I'm trying to get dentures again
7. Gather My Belongings and Sort Through Something
8. Read Devotional and Pray and Read My Bible
This was my first day to start blogging on blogspot! I'm reading this as of May 8th, 2024"! It's been about three years, since then, and I am working on editing and adding more information and getting myself back on a Routine! Starting School Back Fall 24"
