Friday, July 23, 2021

Bewilderment Vs. Discernment

When first getting to know someone; I hope you aren't like I am. Thinking where did I first meet this person? This person must have come from my History Book somewhere... I just ate dinner and had two Monster Energy Drinks... First a NOZ Drink R.I.P. Dr. Naus; who was my Psychiatrist and I had been going to him for almost 18 years. I have spent 20 days at "Mesa Springs Hospital" and My new Psychiatrist is Dr. Bodea-Barothi I should hear back about Intensive Outpatient soon. I am diagnosed Bipolar Skitzophrenic and Now I have PTSD. Finally; I had a Monster Juice Pacific Punch. I smoked a couple of cigarettes. Now I'm silently in my room; thinking of how I just cut the rat tails out of my hair.

 


Today I bought a hot pink and black Worth backpack a new pair of Rainbow Stripped Nike's and two books. I must say that this book; Captivated by John and Stasi Eldridge is a good buy. I've gotten to chapter two and it's great so far. I also bought a book called "The Night Portrait" by Laura Morelli about WWII. My 34th Birthday is coming up and for my birthday my parents are taking me to go eat at Ninja Sushi. I spent yesterday with them and got to see my little 7 year old. We got slurpies and when I accidently spilt one I said "SHIT!" out loud and he was astonished...

There is a difference between being in Bewilderment and being in Discernment... First to be Bewildered means that your in a state of confusion. Curiosity deffinitly killed the cat; speaking of cats my Family's cat Hymnal ran away and probably got killed. I would be stating it the kindest way possible if I said that the last relationship I had was full of Bewilderment and wasn't healthy so I had to stop it. Learning to be happy being me and not depending on a substance to make me happy or the relationship with an older man looking over me to hold me to my highest regard.

Discernment comes from the core right now; as I am being contiounse of what steps to take and what to just leave in the past. Seems I write a whole hell of a lot and that helps get a lot of stuff off my chest; since talking off topic and about the wrong subject used to be one of my downfalls. There are only 5 of us here at the house on Hightower and most of the other people went to Meadowbrook. Yes I have lost some stuff along the way and have been; only this time my Birthday resolution is to stop the trending rebitual sentence of what has been happening for the last 10 years.

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