Step Off The Remote Control

I bought knightly white TIMES square! That's square times table frame by frame that set fire on blaze the machine. Thank's to my last night in today's street light paraded sisterly quaratords that I'm moving into the apartment my Care Giver Mrs. Charnel! Permafried Brain talked about homework of feelings and wrecks? Nursing is a dangerous situation in here these damn parts! Playing with peoples emotions, and what I wrote is fair and justifiable! I can't even afford my James Avery ring after this next move up!

We move into the apartment tomorrow! Thinking about just my jar of coffee and cigarettes and coffee! 

I Need ME

 I lived to see that I was getting a new apartment! Even when my life has felt detrimental and a risk off my feet! Yes, I have drank your jungle juice and had fun with Chairs all around without a house! 25 . . . Seriously! I wondered at that age if I'd be getting out of My Dad's house! No breakfast at that favorite restraint or supporting our favorite weekend waitress! While I have had cops eat my false teeth!   

Washed Up Wednesday

We have a new Arabic Guy, who moved in the house about a month ago. He really loves anime and playing video games. We just enjoyed having cigarettes outside but smoking them constantly is not healthy. Maybe because I came from being a close resemblance to Donnie Darko and Constantine's sister. I once tried AKA but only annoyed them and knew I couldn't afford Sorority life.  

Waking up at 6AM; which I laid in bed for fifteen minutes meditating. My close friend sipped on my coffee cup and I hope I can help her reach greater potential. This is my hope for many of my friends but mostly I have kept my distance for a long five years. Wondering what is going to happen in the next five years to go. 

I am developing a morning and night routine and needing the to focus on Adult 101 matters. I talked to My Caseworker Job yesterday and we found out that I owe $2,160.20 for a FAFSA loan that was in default. I often wake up in the morning feeling attacked by sounds of female voices and every once in a while men voices. They criticize me on everything, and every second. Then I try to correct them and I often end up frustrated and end up giving up.

This year I want that to be different, I truly long to take care of my family and my child who we're working on into adoption to my parents. I will need a way to make this money for the defaulted loan and also I still owe $18,000. No time for drama but also no time to be lazy! I need something that profits my goals and brings me closer to what I want to happen in the future. I need to fight the urge to smoke to stop being complacent and I need more discipline. 

Since I stopped working; I have really felt washed up to shore, safety of My Own House as I imagine it in my mind. Though I didn't ask for my allowance this week, I am grateful for all my Dad, my Pay-E has done for me. Though a smoked up pack here and another five dollars here and helping out in the wrong ways; has left me feeling complacent and hurt! When do we know enough is enough. I forgive everyone but it's still difficult when they interfere with your life. 

Waking Up

I'm still tired, after waking up at 8AM and going outside to smoke and having two cups of coffee. It's raining here in Fort Worth Texas, and we didn't go to the center today. A meeting with a new Doctor for the house. We're allowed to sit two people in the front of the house to smoke. I'm waiting for another cup of coffee and happy we get to chill out at the house today. When waking up what is the first thing you do? Some of my favorite things are to smoke, drink a cup of coffee, or get dressed. Though most of my life I have been lazy and I really had a good time listening to music on my earbuds instead of dealing with my housemates yesterday. 

I'm charging my Geek Vape on my computer and writing, like I said, I intend on writing for sixteen days straight. As it said about The Lunar New Years, yesterday I was watching a movie called Home and I got kinda upset when one of the housemates turned it off. My Psycho Social case worker from Diadem Hearts gave me homework to do that involves writing feelings and I didn't write it last night. Often times, I'm forgetful and I really don't want to be complacent.

Lunar New Year 2023

Telling on people is just not cool, didn't go to sleep last night but stayed up thinking to myself. Things that have been going on are ok! I look forward to hearing more from Job from Diadem Hearts about going to school, this Fall of 23"! I just came inside from smoking a cigarette and it's almost 6AM. Made a cup of instant coffee and sat by the side of the house. I am mumbling. sentences and phrases that don't sound like my own and want to get to the bottom of it! Maybe Imposter Syndrome?  I'm labeled as schizophrenic and bi-polar and have to be very careful! So last night I celebrated. by staying up all night after I heard about The Lunar New Year; a Chinese tradition celebrated for 16 Days and this year it's the year of the Rabbit!

I had a great weekend; My Dad took me to Luxor's and we got a new coil, although I tried it after we bought it and thought I messed it up! I have had My Geek Vape since October of last year and it is one of my favorite things. He also bought me two things of juice Tigers Blood and CCCP+. He tried it and said he might even buy himself a vaporizer, he's trying to stop smoking. Which is good, I love my Dad and respect and boundaries are important. He just celebrated His 60th Birthday, and We went out for breakfast at Skillet N' Grill where I got Chicken N' Waffles and finished his hash browns. Then we went fishing and I caught 4 good sized crappie.

I don't want to sit here and write too much about My Dad but he is the major person in my life that's taking care of me! I have been close to a housemate but I know we have our differences and don't always see eye to eye. Like last week when she told the Group Home owner I didn't want to go to the center. I just want to relax and take care of myself and hide away from danger! I have my medicine in a ziplock bag for this morning too take in a few minutes and I was gifted four boxes of cigarettes from him. He also took me out for lunch! 

It's Monday, and the start of The Last Week of January last weekend My Mom who gave me a beautiful Happy Planner started school two weeks ago. She is going back to school at UTA for Her Second Bachelor's Degree in Journalism. I'm a writter also and my main focus is finishing up my degree in Advertising and Public Relations. There's a lot up in the air about what my future may hold. Although I am a LEO and Rabbit Horoscope states . . . "Will lead way this year, I work best in a TEAM, I need Social Support of those around me to be strong this year through Responsibility! I need to be More Protective over stuff and take care of what I have!

A Leader Amongst Strong Individuals . . . Heavenly Gate Race This Year! 

 

Today, we have to go to the center . . . The Northside Adult Daycare Center! I bring my purse and my mini backpack that are light pink and try to write as much as I can without smoking all my cigarettes up! Mostly since the beginning of this year I have been sitting outside and enjoying when my housemates sit by me and not so happy when they bum cigarettes off of me and need to stop going to the corner store near by that I've already spent $170, at since October of last year when we started going there. Money is tight and I have $53 in my chime account and $25 on Venmo! I'm not going to ask Dad for money this week and work on improving myself and helping those around me! 

 

January

​Good Morning, sitting outside and enjoying the warm sunshine! Today is January 19th 2023! Several days into the new year. I’m ready to start this year in a good place. I’m sitting here thinking about how the situation with school is hopefully getting taken care of. How I might start working and volunteering.

Happy New Year

It's 2023; and I am happy to be alive...  It's The New Year and I look forward to what each day brings. No need to go anywhere and we had red beans and rice. I woke up to having our main caregiver bring us Krispy Kreme doughnuts and had five cups of coffee. I didn't blog much in December, but we had a good Christmas and the little one liked his presents. The family went to Mississippi, and Dad texted me this morning "Happy New Years!" I don't have any goals set but my main objective is to stay here, safe at the group home. Where off from the center tomorrow; and since today is the first of the year, I am reading and writing about what I would like to accomplish. Which seems I have been spending too much time vaping and smoking cigarettes and watching life go by. 

I really loved that I got to spend some quality family time with My Family for Christmas. Although I am now with my family from the Group Home.