Carpenters On The Roof

The Carpenters: have been working for two day, I sit here and ponder how long their assignment is! As stated by The Woman Leader; It will last two weeks. I have not paid them much attention, but rumors about them being my second cousins and even being romantically involved, is highly unpolite and pointed out by several of these house members who daily stalk my sit and my room. No one, in the entire town deserves to have their money and monetary items destroyed, stolen, or tricked by otherings.

I have been sitting in my room, for the last 45 minutes,.... Math really is funnier, and I ask them to leave my individual rights alone, by picking up a MHMR law guidebook to work on what has really been happening in the last decade, which would entirely take too long. To long for what I won't provide, all the time, really gets on my nerves. As a group of Cave Care Consensus it's not my job to provide this person with peck it with and at me cigarettes to lead to humiliation from humanitarian science.

When you account it to the sound of a hammer and nail going into the panels. A drummer has past away several months ago and I sit here praying to hold on to any amount of life I have left. I have dated two carpenters, my first when I was only fifteen, . . . and we would go into, places only we know. The sounds and hoping their careful up there and knowing that their equipment is mandatory as I learn about writing for young readers. Sometimes, it's been my accountability project and I tested that for myself and on Monday a pack of Lucky Strikes wen't missing. I bought an Omarion Rainbow Blast Vaporizer Today for $30; which are normally displayed at our local Texaco but cost $47. I bought it at Artisan Vapor's when I talked to my Peer Support Counselor from Diadem Hearts. 

I went to MHMR this morning, and when Mr. Tracy got here the Carpenters we're already here. I got home at 12PM, after my appointment and the day before my birthday, I have another appointment!

Self Serving Saturday

 I just took a nap and slept for about an hour and forty-five minutes. Went to sleep last night at Two AM and woke up at Eight AM. It's good to get a decent amount of sleep each night. In order to feel rested and alert at all times. This Morning, My Dad called and took me to Skillet N' Dinner where I had chicken and waffles. The service is a blessing there and the crowd wasn't that bad. Dad also bought me a case of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar and a case of Dr. Pepper. Service is known in the dictionary as helping or doing someone a favor. I'm about to go outside and smoke a few cigarettes then hopefully it'll be lunch time.

I was hungry this morning and ate a big waffle and the chicken strips are great! Thinking of how I can be in service to someone close to me this week. Helping more around the house or just being there for the people that need me. It's so close to Halloween, but no one here has said they are dressing up or doing anything. My little one wants to go to Target, and I am looking at gifts online that match my budget. With the purchase of My New Rainbow Geek Vaporizer, I don't know the next time my father will put money in my account. Though, I owe about $138 for the vapori I want to keep myself and my germs and my soul . . . safe! I don't want to share, nearly as much as I used too. I am considering myself more selfish, as I try to keep myself safe! The caregiver, who cooked, sloppy joes, and rice, and served me my cherry zero sugar Pepsi. Also, the main woman in charge told me not to share my vaporizer. I have been attacked in the past because I wouldn't share. There's got to be something more to being friends than asking for stuff that is special to another individual. 

Saturday's Self Love

You can't make anyone do anything but you can remember who you are while you strive to create a balance of a good relationship. Woke up, after only having five hours of sleep. Waiting for our caregiver to arrive and give us our medication and cigarettes. I had two cups of coffee and two cigarettes; and I want to work on a morning routine and to learn to enjoy my own company today. When you don't love yourself, it's hard to get others to follow you. Which is why it's so important for me to abide in God's love and to stop being Codependent. When your depending on someone else to make you happy often times they fail. I'm watching "Cheaters", definitely want to change the channel, my roommate turned it on. My headphones aren't connecting to my laptop for some reason. 

This morning we are still snowed in and I have planned on researching topics and working on my blog and my art work. Relationships are important though unless you can be right with yourself, you can't really depend on anyone else. As an adult; I have learned that being happy doesn't have anything to do with what I get, what I am doing or able to do, or who I am with. We can't let these things define us and we have to draw the line to a place where we find comfort being ourselves and respecting our needs first. I appreciate all the support and help I get though I have noticed I have some codependent tendencies to rely on what my parents say, or beating myself up when the family eight year old doesn't want to talk to me. You are with yourself twenty-four-seven and you never loose sight of yourself whether you like it or not, we're currently dealing with a housemate who has a lot of verbal outbursts and it's hard to not internalize when she is saying negative things even though she is talking to herself. I live in a home with eight different people in the house and our caregivers provide us food, cigarettes, and medication. 

I have to be ok with being myself and being by myself and enjoying my own time. Without depending too much on other's for what would be the opposite of adulting. I'm starting the twenty day self love challenge with Amanda, I came across her blog last night and this morning and she is very insightful as well as a great writer. One of the biggest challenges I have is starting something and not finishing it; or being too inconsistent. 

Researching Love Topics Before Valentine's Day: Listed below I have written ten ways I want to research my topic of how to love yourself more and things that I am working on. 

1. Enjoying Being By Yourself and Really Being There For Yourself.

Things To Do By Yourself 

Be There  

https://putthekettleon.ca/how-to-love-yourself-and-get-rid-of-negative-thoughts/

2. Stop Being Codependent and stop caring what other people think about you.

Be Your Own Best Friend

3. My Core Values and Future Life Goals.

I'm taking a course on Coursera called "English and Writing for Business and Entrepreneurship".

.

4. How To Create A Positive Relationship with My Family and Group Members.

5. Celebrating The Life I Have In Christ.

6. How To Slow Down and Really Enjoy Life.

7. Using Positive Affirmations.

8. How To Have Meaningful Conversations.

9. How To Improve Yourself and Live Your Best Life.

https://imperfectlifebalance.com/how-to-prepare-for-the-week-ahead-in-6-steps

10. Positive Habits

Bewilderment Vs. Discernment

When first getting to know someone; I hope you aren't like I am. Thinking where did I first meet this person? This person must have come from my History Book somewhere... I just ate dinner and had two Monster Energy Drinks... First a NOZ Drink R.I.P. Dr. Naus; who was my Psychiatrist and I had been going to him for almost 18 years. I have spent 20 days at "Mesa Springs Hospital" and My new Psychiatrist is Dr. Bodea-Barothi I should hear back about Intensive Outpatient soon. I am diagnosed Bipolar Skitzophrenic and Now I have PTSD. Finally; I had a Monster Juice Pacific Punch. I smoked a couple of cigarettes. Now I'm silently in my room; thinking of how I just cut the rat tails out of my hair.

 

Today I bought a hot pink and black Worth backpack a new pair of Rainbow Stripped Nike's and two books. I must say that this book; Captivated by John and Stasi Eldridge is a good buy. I've gotten to chapter two and it's great so far. I also bought a book called "The Night Portrait" by Laura Morelli about WWII. My 34th Birthday is coming up and for my birthday my parents are taking me to go eat at Ninja Sushi. I spent yesterday with them and got to see my little 7 year old. We got slurpies and when I accidently spilt one I said "SHIT!" out loud and he was astonished...

There is a difference between being in Bewilderment and being in Discernment... First to be Bewildered means that your in a state of confusion. Curiosity deffinitly killed the cat; speaking of cats my Family's cat Hymnal ran away and probably got killed. I would be stating it the kindest way possible if I said that the last relationship I had was full of Bewilderment and wasn't healthy so I had to stop it. Learning to be happy being me and not depending on a substance to make me happy or the relationship with an older man looking over me to hold me to my highest regard.

Discernment comes from the core right now; as I am being contiounse of what steps to take and what to just leave in the past. Seems I write a whole hell of a lot and that helps get a lot of stuff off my chest; since talking off topic and about the wrong subject used to be one of my downfalls. There are only 5 of us here at the house on Hightower and most of the other people went to Meadowbrook. Yes I have lost some stuff along the way and have been; only this time my Birthday resolution is to stop the trending rebitual sentence of what has been happening for the last 10 years.

PCP Appointment & Self Care

I’m sitting outside the Heritage Day Care Center; and we just finished lunch. My Case Manager; picked me up at 10AM and we went to go see my Primary Care Provider. The PCP; took 5 tubes of blood and I gave a urine sample. I need to schedule an OBGYN appointment and do my best to improve my health. 

We had Lisa’s Chicken for lunch and on the way to the center I got a Dr. Pepper and Monster Kona Coffee from Valero. 

Looks like we’re not going to be able to work this weekend. I called my Dad; almost every day this week, and he’s annoyed that I’ve been calling so much. My Mom added me on my new Facebook.  

I have to start doing better; not only for myself and my future but for the sake of everyone involved in my life. 

Life As Me on Monday; Start of My Blogspot

Just took my blood pressure with my heart rate monitor; I started taking my blood pressure and I'm supposed to use the machine every day. I got the machine before Christmas and my Son's 7th Birthday.

In fact, there's several things I'm supposed to do and not to do every day. I have matured in the last 3 months, a good bit.

Saturday: was socially akward and Friday I had bought some drinks for the group. Since we should always pay kindness back with kindness. Then Sunday Morning; I went and first went to the Texaco and bought a large Starbucks Frappe, the kind that go in a glass bottle. I love street art and I placed it by Meadowbrook close to where I thought I was going into to turn and go to the house when two of our neighboors dogs had escaped and were going down the street. The brown dog bit me and when I kept walking a lady and her dog got attacked by the Big Black Dog. I am not too keen on dogs, and I am more of a cat person.

At our Mim's house earlier this year, we had a white Pitbull puppy named Ice who was only a few months old. He would whimper, bite, and our caretaker ended up letting someone in the family adopt it. 

My Dad has our family dogs; ones a carrier tarrier named Chloe, and the other is a grey healer named Dixie. I just called my dad, at 3:35PM and wanted to see if I could come over for the weekend. The last time I saw my dad and Son; we went to "The Chinese Buffet" and to "Luxor's Vape Shop"... For Mother's Day.

I like my Vaporizer; and have had several Vaporizers bought for me. I have vaped ever since they came out off and on. Right now I'm vaping "Caramel Cappacino at 24mg" through a Geek Vape "Regis"; which cost about $75. In 2010 I took Journalism at UTA; now I'm working on Public Relations and Advertising.

I had a Large Slurpee today!
Looking forward to spending time with the groups and writing more and building and drawing some content for my portfolio.

What I Need to Do Every Day; From Now on After

1. Try To Bathe; and use soap.

2. Do some learning.

3. Talk to important people.

4. Help one person a day.

5. Blog and Add 5 To Pinterest.

6. Brush My Gums... I'm trying to get dentures again

7. Gather My Belongings and Sort Through Something

8. Read Devotional and Pray and Read My Bible

This was my first day to start blogging on blogspot! I'm reading this as of May 8th, 2024"! It's been about three years, since then, and I am working on editing and adding more information and getting myself back on a Routine! Starting School Back Fall 24"