Parents are Adults at 27; wish my son could just be happy 😃, how many times have I asked you to take off my shit 💩? Weird? I’m happy 😃 of feeling but I can’t have everything and wanting more. Snuck
Rehabilitated 🐦 a slur pie 🥧 hello 👋 & kitty 🐈⬛ cattiness… that LT ‘got no brain 🧠 full of spiritual ‘Spirits on a ⛅️ sun 💋 kissed! Got jealous and again & again isn’t your’s!
I just had my mouth 👄 checked ☑️ by a nurse *Jocelyna ♥️ ! My hair looks crazy 🤪 and I wore my new 🆕 pink wig all day yesterday. It’s hard to believe I bought three packs on Saturday and gone. Two packs of Winston Supreme; so now-$40!
What I noticed I still have a $20,… but again I need cigarettes 🚬 & perhaps 🤔 a drink 🥃! As this morning and through out the week I am reading 📖 for my Sunday School 🏫 class 2nd chapter from Proverb. So why are we smoking 🚬 so many of me. My intention was half a pack a day.
Dad asked if I wanted to pay for my hospital bill of $660 💵👩🏻🦯➡️! $60 - $20 = $40 - $15.99… about $35, reminder that I don’t own the world 🌎 🚗! Next month I said I *might 🛴💸🪙 pay 💰 it! I want a crisp 😢 crypt $500 tattoo and too pay 💰 for it.
I just found two girls who liked the 🔥 department of what summer 17” and TxWes in 2023” I moved here in 23” October 31st 😢🌲🏺… my grandma 👵
I woke up at 7AM this Thursday morning and I used to go to *25$s & get cards! My Drivers License has been missing since about October of last year. Twelve days till payday and I have nothing & am heading to the Doctor about my health.
My dad just fixed my glasses and I am getting new glasses! Though he can’t fix 🔧 my life! I am waiting for my case manager to go to the doctor 🧑⚕️.
They were asking for 🔜💚 everything & 😉 upset 😭; well deserved stuff but I have no cigarettes 🚬 today and a new house 🏠 mate is getting a new purse 👜. That I trade my debit for cash 💵!
Good Morning 🌞 it’s tomorrow when my Dad arrives at 8AM 🕗 to take me to breakfast 🍳! I just took a twenty five minute walk to Lexicon store 🏬 & store and spent $7.08 from my Venmo.
Okay ✅ so the whole step mothering thing, is a good and bad thing. Soon we’ll be going to Darcy’s Center starting August 1st. After my 39TH Birthday 🥳 on Tuesday and tomorrow morning at 8AM 🕗 Dad will be here at 8AM.
Yesterday was fun and around noon time I walked to … ‘Lexicon a corner store & got a large shipment that cost me $39.82! Then I woke up at 6:42AM;… what?! Already a beggar at my Lucky 🍀 Strike cigarettes & I woke up at 10:30AM!
I don’t understand these ‘older women problems but I would like too. It’s Sunday & after I ate & smoked, I took a shower 🚿! I’m hoping this is going to be a good week with my caseworker and I have an Appointment tomorrow at 2PM.
PFH: Pedi filing [pedi assure] … old men attracted younger women. I was in ‘ADVT Camp 🏕️ & $60 - $80! Pretty 😍 handsome man and girls 🧒 hanging out in public. With a ‘Make a Wish! $3,998.
It’s 7:45AM and I woke up an hour ago. My dad took me shopping this weekend; and I am not worrying about money. Knowing I am well taken care of and sitting at the kitchen table with an awesome worker of the group home. The caregiver arrived and I have already taken my medication. She is making us some coffee with the new coffee maker.
It’s too late for me to have breakfast and the owner of the day program drove around after she picked me up for about 45 minutes. I’m sitting at the table and learning about Twitter and how to work with Social Media. I know I want to keep talking about “Personal Growth” and one thing that has really changed is I have thought more in a growth mindset than a fixed mindset. I’m drinking my first cup of coffee at the center and it’s 10:30AM.
For this week’s topic to learn and research on; I wrote down “Spiritual & Intellectual Growth”. I am trying to manifest a true reality that I can truly begin to love 💕. Letting my inner parent grow more present and compassionate and letting healing happen every day. The house worker who was taking care of refilling medication this morning told me; my blog was good and to keep working on it. I’m learning to be less critical, less worried, and less judgmental.
Drinking my coffee and I just ate a McDonald’s sausage and biscuit with strawberry 🍓 preserves. When it comes to people around you; what makes you feel supported in a relationship? Or are you like me; and find relationships difficult? We could sit here all day and make excuses for ourselves; but God, wants so much more for us.
As I am sitting outside and smoking a cigarette, I have been smoking two cigarettes, every time I smoke. On our breaks out the back door of The Lions Center; I have been smoking a Lucky Strike and then one I have received from a caregiver in the morning. I asked for a second cup of coffee; and the worker gave me the rest that was in the coffee pitcher. I was grateful even though it was just a small amount.
There’s a Bible Verse that I like that states “No Matter What State I Am In, I have learned to be content!”. I feel supported when the people around me, get along with each other. I don’t like when people judge and I normally stick by myself. I am turning into quite an extrovert and am longing for healthy friendships. I don’t have to go out of my way too find them and I am depending on God to bring the right relationships in my life. I’m working harder on my goals and learning I can become successful through the right things; rather than doing something drastic that could negatively affect my life.
Growing up; I wanted to save the world and seek out new and different things. Although I ended up shorthanded with pretty much nothing too show for myself. When I was 18 and first moved to Texas; I went to hookah lounges and to a lot of DFW’s finest RAVE Events. Times of partying and self exploration, I did have fun but I stopped when I gave birth to my son when I was 26. I had so many good opportunities that I dismissed just to hangout with friends who wouldn’t be there for me in the end.
I’ll be 35 at the end of July and friends are few and limited; the old friends didn’t stay and some say I was a crappy friend. I want friends but as an adult it’s been difficult and although there is six people I share a house with and about twenty people that attend the center. I need to change my ways and learn how to be a good friend in order to make the kind of connections I want.
Blogs About Making Friends:
1. The writer of thereluctantcowgirl.com; has several great articles about friendship. She points out that we need three types of friends for personal growth; mentors, friends, and discipling friendships.
I just finished my second cup of coffee and am sitting at the table. It’s 10AM; and I am a year since a blog post which is nice to look back on. I’m still having my times with my caseworkers; and yesterday my caseworker said they’re not all going to stop taking us places. I started my period about the same time I did last year. I get paid half of what I did last year; since my rent went up. Meanwhile; feeling the hard things in life and working independently through response.
I’ve been here in the group home and daycare center for eight years now. In order to get along; you have to learn that it is about you and not others. Through having self-awareness and taking an honest look at life; hopefully I can find healing and wisdom from the situations I have been in. I am knowing that the best thing for me to do is stay here.
Though; what about all the five times I ran away? Since I was 13; I know I have ran away more than that. It’s rocky relationships and insecurities for the most part but I have always been taken care of, even in the hardest of times. What exactly was I looking for? Mentally my routine and my medication are working and although I don’t live with my family and the people at the group home are hard to get along with the times in the past have proved to me that life doesn’t get better if you force it too and aren’t depending on God.
Was I in flight mode because life got hard? Many articles talk about fight or flight response and since I feel I am getting too old to run away and my health is a major concern, even if it’s just me being concerned I have too make the best out of my life and try to find independents within myself by doing the right thing.
Where did I go and run off too? I’m often too hard on myself and in the past I have made so many bad decisions. Resulting to drugs and elopement and going to prison, in 2020, I had a three month jail sentence for shoplifting at Target. I had been on the streets since September 19” to April 20” at the beginning of Co-Vid19. The last time I ran away I went to Downtown and was there from February 21” to April 21”. That’s when I got frostbite on my right hand middle finger and my ring finger. It’s healed now but it was truly a hard learning experience that I will never forget.
The answer is, in my opinion can leave me to feel embarrassed and I don’t know why I thought it was better being risky than being in the comfortable situation like I am right now. Though we have had several that have come to the group home and left and ran away. I’m getting better at being my own unique self and not hanging out in bad places. Though one thing that is helping me is staying out of others drama and focusing mainly on myself. I am learning more about my honest nature, my values, my habits, and my emotions.
Today I am researching “Emotional Growth”; I am depending more on myself to do the right thing than the destructive pattern of the past. An emotionally mature person has reached and continues to reach a level of self-understanding with regards to their thoughts & behaviors. Then decides how to best approach and cope with the situation that might otherwise be challenging.