Parents are Adults at 27; wish my son could just be happy 😃, how many times have I asked you to take off my shit 💩? Weird? I’m happy 😃 of feeling but I can’t have everything and wanting more. Snuck
Rehabilitated 🐦 a slur pie 🥧 hello 👋 & kitty 🐈⬛ cattiness… that LT ‘got no brain 🧠 full of spiritual ‘Spirits on a ⛅️ sun 💋 kissed! Got jealous and again & again isn’t your’s!
I’m realizing my reality check is gone & GoGo I don’t want too hurt 😞 myself or others. I want one ☝️ more subscriber & I normally have a lot of work to do from old to new 🆕 classes I am interested & taking. Though I’m a Government Student 👩🎓!
I am liking myself more than 🧠 & ♥️ scanning & finished ✔️ with Proverbs 1. Next to read 2 🛹🏸 through nine 9️⃣. Though *interruptions; happened & I just plain out didn’t want to go!!! 🧽🧻🔑💊🛎️! Bella vs. Belle about *Jelousy & Damages!
This is my life & My Bloq
Realizing that I was handed $15 & this *pack made me happy 😊… I took my blood 🩸 test & 185! Over the record 🎼🎹🎤🎧💿 & getting distracted and disabled by them. Where is my #13 Amanda Bynes CPU was that for three to eight years. I wondered about myself.
Two days later my drink 🥤 was still in my cup of the Trail Blazing 🥵 Streets! I listened to my heart ♥️ & brain 🧠 and Nario is a good worker & then;… it was my son in Single & Parenting & Mops!
I’m sitting in 💺 the dentist 🪥 chair waiting for them and they said they would fix them; but I am hoping to replace them. Corrie is the caseworker that took me & I haven’t had a problem until they said I had an ulcer on a shawtistica teeth from Medi Co.
They said it only got $250,… insurance on my insurance for my dentures …! Though 22 fixes a question of an alcoholic drink and a guitar case. I think that is a great treat about my brain and heart and Naruto movies about ourselves.
Good morning ☀️ I say to myself 🩵 as I am waiting patiently for my Father 👨🏼 and I understand he grew up seventeen years in War. While I struggle and trying to understand myself. It’s hopefully 🙏 not an eighteen year old woman 👵 pregnant 🤰 in the streets under my cigarettes.
Okay 🌷⚽️🙏 no … now I am hearing a song 🎶 by Lisa’s Chicken 🐔! Working and worked on an hour & a half of work at a time with a $7 cigarette 🚬.! Gave *My House 🏠 Mom: three 3️⃣ packs.
Okay,… so this has been a while ago, about two weeks ago and the month is still young. My shipments came in and I am glad to receive all I have but we’re waiting for dinner and I don’t know what we’re having. I have recently received my glucose monitor & last night it was 487!
Saturday when Dad,… dropped me off there was a paramedic and some cops in front of the house. I realized most of us are on our phones & there’s nothing wrong with it.
I woke up at 6:40AM & around 8AM; our black Betty came in. Laundry night is tonight and I bought $27 bag of 47 laundry packets and need to wash my clothes tonight. I bought the clothes I wanted & today I am going? To receive shorts.
Six out of ten of the Wallets for Change. As I am lil Flyleaf & know ‘Brody & offered her the first two, me the second two, and hopefully my mom and little one get the second two.
I woke up 🆙 at six ‘something and got some coffee ☕️ but my coffee cup says something about being happy 😃. Dad’s been buying me cigarettes 🚬 & supplies my SS[D]I! Three 3️⃣ Jobs at McNeese.
Lovers are ‘NO Game & 16 ‘Dice R… Coming to us… in the meantime mail! Stop,… lusting after ‘My Purse & ‘Asking for stuff we don’t need. Well well,… just wait & be believing to receive “our gift ❤️
It’s ten minutes till three; my dad is making us a pitcher of coffee and we got haircuts this morning. I’m sipping on my coffee and I have had too many cups to count. Since 6:30AM; when my roommate and I woke up, craving coffee. I’m a recovering addict and I have to stay close to my mental health help.
My caregiver let me take my meds in the reminder box and my dad picked me up at 10AM. Most of the people at “The Group Home”; stayed at the house this weekend and I am glad that my father and I have a close relationship. The elderly caregiver showed up at 8AM and I had my medicine and she fixed me two cups of coffee. I tried not too pester her to much when she was making breakfast.
My son is loving “Transformers Bot Bots” and I must agree, my family is a lot better with him, than I am. I’m here for him but not fully engaging. They even have a show about the toys. My dad is encouraging him to spend time with me; it’s been mostly my fault and I am here for both of them. I gave my dad the book I read about a month ago; “The Night Portrait”.
It’s Wednesday; and when I lived with my family I normally went to church at 6PM at night. I haven’t gone to church on a Wednesday in over six years. When I was, I was going to “Free At Last” or “Single And Parenting”. I also haven’t worked in nine years and today I am learning about “Professional Growth”. I need to find work and something I love to do.
I’m waiting for the caregiver or the ride to The Lions Center; and I had a cup of instant coffee and smoked four cigarettes this morning. I put my bedding and dirty laundry in the laundry room in my basket with two Tide Pods. Depending on people is sometimes a good thing and there are times it can get ugly. We are told to help at times and I really regret giving up on so much and the times I have had a bad attitude towards situations.
Though; non of that regret does anyone any good and at 34, I need to make wiser and more sound decisions without seeking approval from others. I spent $20 yesterday on three packs of Lucky 🍀 Strikes and a slurpy; leaving me with $15 on Venmo and less than $4 on Chime. I’m glad I have money and look forward to seeing my financial life improve over the next five to ten years.
Strong work ethic defines you and your values; especially when you are punctual and efficient. Since I have been out of market, it will be hard to get back in. Employers might worry that I have lost skills. I worked in retail sales, customer service, as a cashier, and as a waitress from the age of 15 to 26. I was an ok worker but over time I became complacent and unable to work.
I also haven’t driven since I moved here to The Group Home during June of 2016. My father provided two trucks, a mini van, and two cars. I have gotten into wrecks in all of them or destroyed them and I don’t know how I feel about driving or if I will ever drive again. People are complaining that gas is $5 a gallon and I am glad I don’t drive right now.
My role model in charge of the center expressed how she hasn’t had time to read my blogs and I’m in her vehicle and we just stopped by the Post Office. She said she has been trying to get into the new building and will have work for me to do later in the year.
My role model in charge of The Group Home responded to my text and said she will find me something to work on.
Your past doesn’t define your current situation, nor your future. I can learn and concentrate on success and learning from others. While finding it within myself to start earning some money.
We shouldn’t take anything for granted and I am sure I am not the only one who has struggled with the fact that I have been selfish in life. I’m trying harder to gain confidence and balance as The Youthful Christian Woman that God and My Family have prepared for me to be. I’m eating a sandwich for lunch at 2PM; and still thinking about the sermon this morning. It feels great to go to church and I am thankful for my sandwich and cigarettes.
I’m needing to read about seven articles because I have had seven cigarettes this morning. Sitting here at the table finishing my sandwich and waiting for the floor to dry. I fall into the niche of personal and motivational blogging and I slightly envy the bloggers who say they are earning a living by writing. I’m not in a mood to dwell on how I am doing financially, as the new male housemate headed for the store by himself.
I have about $15; on my online accounts and plenty of time to reflect on myself. I’m finding healing from my full relational past and finding I can still use the course’s I took at UTA, even though I didn’t graduate, to plan and prepare a brighter future for myself. At the age of 34, going on 35 and my birthday not even as far as two months away. I am learning that I need to do what is right for myself and be able too stand on my own.
May 10TH 2024" Just came in from smoking a cigarette,... there's a no-smoking policy on campus and I am going over to my families house at 8AM, tomorrow. I only have $25 on my online accounts and I don't want to spend it. Just editing these entries and we just got back from getting a Depakote Injection & Going to The North Side Library.
I can’t and will never be able to repay My Father back for all he has ever done for me. Mostly my relationships have not been too good because I have issues with being a “Daddy’s Girl”; for most of my life my Dad has been stationed over seas in The Military. When I first started College at McNeese he said “The decisions you make from today to the future will impact you!” I didn’t and still don’t have the best relationship with my mom or my eight year old son, or my two little sister’s.
At The Group Home; the other housemates and I have little interaction together and my highlight is smoking together and having house meetings. Though; I spend a lot of time on writing, and reading, I hardly speak up and am one of the ones who have been here the longest, and doesn’t have an attitude when asked to do something, or act out anymore. I was asked to take a shower by the caregiver here today and I willingly will before 5PM. I just finished my sandwich and waiting for the floors to dry. Then I will go outside and smoke two cigarettes and then take a shower.
While I have been here in the home I have stayed closer to the caregivers and myself than the other housemates. I would love to bond with someone other than my father but I don’t want to mess up anymore by falling for false hopes from not being able to distinguish between a good and bad person. Hopefully others can begin trusting me and I can trust them. Someone in the house spit on the floor and the caregiver was angry when she had to clean it up.
I’m learning that besides having my meals and a bed too sleep in and ten cigarettes a day. Which is included in my rent and it’s from RSDI and my past work such as Walmart and ROSS that I can depend on my insurance. I’m a young individual and I must depend on God and Myself; and take care of my priorities and no one is going to do it for me. When it comes to relationships people can either pull you down with them but there are very few who are committed to making someone else a better person.
Which takes me to my next thought of how I have stated that I am codependent; sometimes I depend on people and only get hurt by it. I’m wanting good relationships but it’s either give or take. My little one is being raised by my family and I have been forgiven. My Mom said “Chose Your Battles Wisely”. The days of being spoiled by others are over and I don’t want to be in a situation where I play a victim role in which I have been rapped several times or lost a lot in the process.
I’m fully forgiven and I have fully forgiven but that way of “The Old Johnna” is over and I am moving on in life to better things.
There’s some people that you can sit and talk with for a long time and they fill your empty spots and I am learning that I don’t need to be codependent. People that you depend on and help us become better people. Though I have been learning that you make it through your own persistent behavior as an adult. The more I read the more I feel prepared to make wiser decisions and it’s helped me calm down more.
There’s other people that bore you too death, who most of the time have a bad attitude and provide no insight. At one time or another I have fit into both categories of individuals. Life is constantly changing and today I was informed that my caregiver 🍪 is going to a different house and a lady that I don’t really get along with is taking her place.
My caregivers and caseworkers, have mentioned how much potential I have but I have to go through hard life lessons to reach this uncharted potential. With this transitional time I am hoping that I can continue to do good. I don’t want to let my family down again. With the change of caregivers, I have a choice and hard decision to make.
I’m reminded to keep doing what is right for myself and too never give up. I’ve been doing really good and it’s been a year. I mark my anniversary for having this blog opened on Tuesday. I’ve seen good times and bad times here at Cave Care! My parents want me here and tell me there’s no way I can live with them again.
The Drivers License; I have been here 7 years, marked this year. While being here at the group home, I haven’t given up on my passion for writing. I’m reminded by the lady in charge of these Group Homes, that they want to see us doing good. Though there’s rules here and one rule was I had to hand over my Drivers License and Food Stamp Card. Also I can’t find my Social Security Card.
I was 15, when my parents allowed me to be on my own. Of course there’s been many times that I have transitioned in and out of their care. Don’t get me wrong, some people blame their childhood for everything. I don’t blame my parents, I blame not knowing and making the best decisions. I’ve had almost too many chances, and I am on my last try at this group home thing. Fearing that if I walk away from here again, I might be cut off from the family support all together.
While I am still young, I want to turn my life around. I am about to turn 35 and although I don’t have the amount of readers I would be able to say is successful for my blogging and I am making no money. I was hoping when I started blogging, I would end up with a good outcome and be able to make a lot of money through it. I have had seven domains; myapatheticlife.com, trytocare.com, lifeasacollegemom.com, collegemom.com, missing-alias.com, justly-found.faith, and JohnnaFloyd.com.
Although through using blogger I have been able to keep up with my work better without loosing what I have written. I have used a lot of money to support my writing lifestyle and have over $18,000 in college loans. During these transitional and trying times. I still hang on to one thing; Don’t Worry!
My caregiver called and said she needed the number to True Mental Health; although I don’t have a designated person to do this, instead I am seeing one person from their team a week. She said she was at JPS, and she would see that we get our medication and cigarettes. My Purpose; needs to be too better understand myself and how I can get past my 20’s; when I lost the trust of my family through sex, drugs, leaving, and being unstable. Now that I am in my mid thirties and am about to be thirty-five at the end of July on the 28th. This is more important to me than ever before.
I have learned that I would be nowhere if I didn’t trust in my caregivers, and my caseworkers. I’ve been a part of Cave Care Adult Group Home, since 2016. Although I don’t see my family a lot, today is Tuesday and I’ll FaceTime My Dad at 3:45PM. I don’t work or go to school, so it’s up too me to keep pushing myself to do better every day. Mostly that’s what we’re called to do in life, go to school and work. Though what if life didn’t go as planned, I am being patient at The Group Home for Gods assignment for my life.
Trust; one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have given up before and hurt a lot of people and a lot of people hurt me. From bad relationships to fights and finding the strength to go on daily sticking to the plan of staying in the group home. Trust can either make or break the relationship and the time that we endure.
I am glad it’s lunch time and I have mostly wrote in my planner and sketchbook after reading helpful articles on Discipline and Persistency. Multi-Tasking at the moment which they say is bad morals and not something you should do. So I will take the time to finish my lunch and go outside to smoke before finishing this blog entry.
Why To Trust ♥️🌹
When Someone Who Has Let Us Down In The Past.
If it wasn’t for God showing us first of unconditional love; think of how much we would be hurting. If from the moment you and I were born everything was perfect and we never had the mistakes after Eve ate the apple 🍎 from the Tree, God told her not to eat from. It’s especially hard for a teenager to not go along with peer-pressure and to start resenting parental authorities. At least this is my perception on my reality.
I was a 15 year old Freshman at McNeese State University who got involved with a bad crowd and started using CoCain and Weed for the first time as soon as I left my family. In 20 years I have experimented with all sorts of things I am not proud of. I am a recovering addict and have dropped out of college several times. I am glad to be alive today too tell my stories of growing up and getting right with God.
After having a little boy at 26 I have learned that we want our children too do the best they can, and I know and have to live with the fact I have let so many things happen and destroy my relationships. My Mom and I are having a hard time working through the past and I was devastated to the first time I had to confess to her. There’s certain things that we can’t hide, no matter how hard we try. The truth always shines through. The fact that I wasn’t married and the guy that got me pregnant has been hard to live with; and I know it’s my fault since I did the opposite of what God and my family were trying to teach me and learned the hard way. I once told my parents that I would not know if I didn’t experience what life had to offer.
I am willing to make amends and am known for my resilience. I can’t fix everything and the more I push it the worst it gets. It’s better just to take it moment by moment and see how things get better or worse. I have been sober for three months now, am staying away from sex, and depending on God more than ever before.
How To Trust!
Like I said, receiving and having trust, has been one of the toughest things in my life. My roommate seems to like watching Jerry Springer and Maury. Shows like that make me cringe and I don’t feel comfortable watching them. So I try to listen to my headphones or turn the TV off. When people don’t act like you want them too or things don’t work out, they say to talk and resolve them. I have a Pinterest Board on “Repairing Relationships” even though I don’t like confrontations.
I have told both my parents that I am sorry about the way I used to act and say thank you for everything you do for me and the family. Though I have learned through trials of running away that sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. It is especially important for me to come from a place of sincerity and of not giving up, as I also have a Pinterest Board on “Not Leaving”.
When you have to trust someone in order to survive, life is in their hands and I should have thought harder when I left my son. Although I am blessed that my parents and sister were there to take care of him.
My Alarm on my phone went off at 5:45AM. I didn’t want to wake up and pressed stop on my alarm. I should have gotten up and taken a shower. Though the extra hour in bed was calling to me. Instead of sleeping in, I could use this time to better prepare myself for the day. I need to be intentional with my time and use it for productive things that matter.
Our caregiver called me and said she was on her way. It is 8AM and I have had my medicine and received my cigarettes. My housemate and I are waiting on our ride to the center. At The Lions Center; I had two cups of coffee and a sausage and biscuit from McDonald’s.
I don’t know what it is about myself in the mornings. I have no desire to wake up so early. I went to bed about 7PM. I know I am getting enough sleep and I am almost sleeping too much. After reading an article about “A Good Morning Routine”; I feel that there are certain things about mornings that could be better.
Mornings Impact how your going to feel for the rest of the day. Setting up a good morning routine will improve my life. I really want to start waking up at 5:45AM without falling back asleep. After we’re done at the center I have a three hour chunk of time where I could take a nap.