I’m glad my caseworker; said state 🪪 IDs were $11. Hopefully I will receive my Birth Certificate before June 9th. After we had my Psychiatrist appointment with the new psychiatrist. He drove me to the Shell 🐚!
I am going home to my parents house on Saturday morning and spending till Memorial Day Monday with them.
Today is the last day of the month of May. Blankly stating the obvious and waiting for my second cup of coffee. I smoked two cigarettes and am thinking about what I am going to write about and what I am going to research today.
Asking myself questions such as; What are my habits, where are my thoughts, how is my attitude, what are my feelings, and how this all aligns with my actions. Things I have been writing about all month and I am looking forward to growing my blog and finding more about the things that help.
This month I have written more than I ever have on this blog in the past. At the end of the month it’s good to think about; what big accomplishments you achieved, if you accomplished what you hoped, and if you really did what matters. I think I am a long way off from getting to answer those questions about myself and this next month I need to keep reading and writing more. I told my parents that this month I am working on self growth and they both agreed I am doing better.
It’s a long road of self-development and I am ready to put in the work of becoming my best self. Doing the work to find stability by getting myself right with God and those most important in my life. I had a great time with family but it’s back to staying here at the center and at the group home. Growing more in a safe space and being rooted in what I need and want.
My payee, my dad, pays my rent at the start of every month and I am feeling more comfortable with staying here. Having a sense of structure to help me stay strong as our foundation keeps us grounded and plants you where you are as you make small daily steps to take care of yourself and prioritize.
The best written and spoken word comes from true emotions and finding truth within yourself and myself. As I think about how this month has been I am proud of myself for writing more. I still don’t know how to make money from blogging and I have been blogging since I was 12. The best blog post out there are from the heart and leave strong encouragement after reading them. I’m sitting at the table finishing my second cup of coffee and I wrote the post then tried to post it and it got erased.
As I think about what I wrote on today’s planning space in my planner I am thinking about what is really true of my emotions and situation.
What has distracted me from true knowing and learning? I have made a goal of reading one article for every cigarette I smoke. I haven’t worked on self help and serious growth as hard as I am right now. I want to finish my degree in Advertising and Public Relations but I have no financial support to do so. True knowing comes from so many sources and one important thing to me right now is too learn as much as I can. In the past, I could tell you I was just plain out lazy and selfish.
What has kept me from knowing my worth? I have put a lot of how I feel about my worth in the wrong things. I’m working on not living to please others and depending on God more then I have ever trusted him in my life. I placed a lot of worth in being with my family and I have let them and myself down time and time again. I have put my worth in how I get along with others and especially with how I interact with those who live with me.
What has kept me from knowing where I belong?
When I was younger I would do anything to fit in; wasting time and money. I didn’t fit into a particular group but I made so many poor choices following the crowd. The more I read the more I am wanting to be my individual self and learn about my goals, dreams, and ambitions.
We have a choice when it comes to all three of these questions; we can either move on from it or we can take it in as our own. In other words we can accept it or we can grow from it. Either way we should hold onto the pain and know it has power over us. While honoring who we are and the decisions that got us to where we are today. Knowing our worth protects our hearts, spirits, and minds.