The Day After Expensive Smoke

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I just had my mouth 👄 checked ☑️ by a nurse *Jocelyna ♥️ ! My hair looks crazy 🤪 and I wore my new 🆕 pink wig all day yesterday. It’s hard to believe I bought three packs on Saturday and gone. Two packs of Winston Supreme; so now-$40!

What I noticed I still have a $20,… but again I need cigarettes 🚬 & perhaps 🤔 a drink 🥃! As this morning and through out the week I am reading 📖 for my Sunday School 🏫 class 2nd chapter from Proverb. So why are we smoking 🚬 so many of me. My intention was half a pack a day.

What about: US?

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I am just now thirty-nine 💲☸️💚🖤 walking 🚶‍♀️ & 💁🏽‍♀️💐🏔️ & Mejia 💲♥️ Anasa’s messes they can’t just sit me in 125* 🛺💥!!! Geo 🪨 Rocking me *baby! Jafara vs. Jahara … midnight 🕛 summer (yyy???) dreaming 🛌 

A 🚑 & ✈️ & ⛴️ ; and *active activities 💯! Advice Advertising & wants to keep it up 👍 she might escaped or escapades! To what ended abruptly!

Switched five 5️⃣ times house 🏠 escape us?

Alex to Alex to AWOL; about a girl's paycheck...

Financial Finds: Friday

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We’re on our way to The DFW Baluha Center and in a lot of traffic; it takes about thirty minutes to get there. I get $385 normally on the first but it’s up to my Pay-E! I’ve been out of prison for six so… years! Walking around a store 🏬 with only 💵🧠 $10,… can and can’t be dangerous.

I got out of ahi,… the vehicle 🚗 & I walked in the Dollar 💵 General & … Parmesan pretzel 🥨 crisps, an Alaina Nu Strawberry 🍓 Slush Energy can, and triple x vanilla cream coffee can. 💲 costing $10.98 + $2.38 in cash 💵 then I bought 🐫 camels!

Alex to Alex to AWOL; about a girl's paycheck...

Monday Morning 🩷🤑 OBGYN

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It’s 10:49AM & we’re at the “Women’s Clinic” … I have an appointment to get my HPV injection. I have, almost 😅 $200 & plan on going shopping 🛒 with $50, after this. It’s been ten minutes or so and I am sitting 🪑 patiently, ready to get this over!

$199; from $385,… is $186! I am expecting and excited 😆 about my stuff from Team U but needing to do proper product reviews. I was a Senior/Junior dropout from University.

Mentioned ‘It’s Monday

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Every time I got something I had to share;… but do I really have to? The nice way to do this is have a good and positive attitude about everything that comes and goes in life. I spent my $70 EBT card today & it will be refilled next month on the 13TH!

Though after I ate this Sushi and drank my 711 slurped,… I got sick to my stomach. First, before we went we stopped by MD clinic & I need to check my blood pressure.

Happy Sitting Dad

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We just ordered our food; at our Favorite Breakfast Place! ‘My Back Hurts & Hurt this morning at 6:30AM. Dad ‘called me at 7:47AM & I wanted to display him stuff & was only able to give him the ‘Group Home Book! They shouldn’t be attacking.

I had oatmeal & raisins & brown sugar;… but have a Drs Appointment on Monday at 2PM & was hoping he would take me. Then go food shopping on $55 EBT.

Sat In ❤️🥳 Saturday

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My Dad; picked me up around 8AM 🕗 then we went to Skillet & Grill. When I woke up I took my medicine, he gave me five Lucky 🍀 Strikes Gold & one pack of Lucky 🍀 Strike Reds. I was forgetful and called him because I left them in the Bronco. I had & shared my chicken 🐔 and waffles. I also received $60!

Okay,… Lisa Tucker: paid me $5 for a ‘Pack of Smokes of Lucky 🍀 Strike 🪧 Gold! I feel as if I am in ‘Turmoil & I’m trying to do the best I can with what degree 📜 I have.

Friday Fight Club

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“Don’t take my photo,… too take my photo & Portrait Innovation was an eight week job. I ordered about $85 from TEMU. I should receive those today instead of Dad’s day. Where I wanted to enjoy my family time and experience a good time.

We’ve been sitting here chilling out, smoking a few more of Lisa’s cigarettes & waiting for three packages that parcels with coffee left on the table. I’ve been waiting all day for these,… where?

Alex to Alex to AWOL; about a girl's paycheck...

Meals on Me $55

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S&P; was about $5,000 worth of goods at Afterlife we were ‘international Fashion Models. How about getting paid $100 a weekend? What,… what? I bought her a Starbucks and it’s Senior Year 16”-18”,…

So who’s our ‘My🖤Money 💴 … “talkative Grabber’s ,… ‘Daddy I Said we we’re only at a party 🎈 

Alex to Alex to AWOL; about a girl's paycheck...

Must Make It To Monday

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My stuff is ‘My stuff ❤️😃💄 I can & can’t believe y’all… why are you asking for me to just give you. What? The stuff I have? … Always Wanting ⚠️🖐️ I’m JoJo! Asking?

I tried to help my friends & with their greed. I loved 🥰 ‘Art Zone; their running them 📕🧯🧰🪫⏰ Ramped. Most of the time I gave up 🆙 I’m starting to think 🤔…

Alex to Alex to AWOL; about a girl's paycheck...

Good Morning Mother

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As,.. most of you know I ‘retired at 13” … Then I went to Texas County Christian. This is hopefully a good day but dad stayed up till six am because 🐈 cats were on his rooftop by skylight.

Thank you dad and today is Mother’s Day & it’s my hopeful day with my son and I am staying the night again. Waiting on him to wake up to all mothers don’t try to get your stuff stolen and I already paid that off.

Good Morning 😃 ❣️

​I’m sitting on my bed and woke up at 8AM, it says my packages will arrive today. It’s Wednesday & I just smoked a cigar and drank some coffee ☕️. It’s 9:15AM, now 10AM… my caseworker came to see me.

& I am waiting for my purse, stickers, and bracelets to arrive. It said it would be delivered between 12-2PM today. I have $150, going shopping 🛒 Friday.

Alex to Alex to AWOL; about a girl's paycheck...

What's Up Wednesday

I woke up at 7AM and then I laid back down and the man in charge of the house today, woke me up and asked me to wash my bedding and clothes. I was scheduled to work today but Cave Care Child Learning Center is closed. 

I also don't feel good and I am waiting on my laundry. Had several cups of coffee and a bowl of cereal for breakfast. I went to The Northside Adult Day Care Center on Monday and Tuesday and it was ok, I was eager to work this week and don't know when the next time I work. Not too much, going on today, and I need to go threw my emails and papers and organize my room. 

Fearless Friday

​It’s the end of the week and I am glad it’s Friday. Sitting at the table inside the center and waiting for a cup of coffee. I had three cups of coffee this morning and opened my fourth pack of cigarettes. Drank a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of cereal. It was my second bowl of cereal and I am hoping to get a second cup of coffee. Though the lady watching the center said I would have to wait.

My caseworker stated theirs better things to spend my money on other than cigarettes. My dad was happy; he wouldn’t have to buy me anymore cigarettes when I go see him this weekend. I have six packs of Lucky Strikes left and I just stepped outside to smoke one cigarette and took a couple of puffs of my vaporizer. Waiting for a second cup of coffee and trying to understand where I wrote on today’s plans to research FEAR.

Fear Of The Unknown; and How I Want To Be Comfortable Here.

I’m slowly recovering from my negative past and learning things don’t always go my way. The lady in charge said there wasn’t any coffee left. That’s alright and I’m grateful for the coffee I have received this morning. The more grateful I am the better things get and I find myself not wasting away as much. 

I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had my fair share of panic attacks in the past. God cares enough about us to provide a way through. Sure, my anxiety attack at UTA wasn’t fun and sent me to the hospital for two weeks and I accumulated a lot of financial debt from dropping out. 

Though I am reminded in Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you in my righteous hand. The center is closed on Monday; and I will be spending the weekend with my family.

It’s important that I know that my mental health is more important than college and money. My comfort and receiving the help from caregivers is important and I don’t have to rush the future. Taking one step a day and not overwhelming myself and also to keep taking my medicine and staying calm. I’m nervous about how my sister and son might treat me but I know it’s going to be a good “Father’s Day Weekend”!

Fear Of Limiting Beliefs; or laziness and being overwhelmed.

I shouldn’t compare myself to other’s or live in a fantasy world where I am not prepared to live. I have stated my Limited Beliefs in a previous post and one thing that is important is that we all get along as a family this weekend. 

I’m reminded in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Ways To Overcome These Fears and Starting On My Journey To Succeed.

Would On Wednesday

​In the last hour I have drank about six cups of coffee and; I have two jars of instant coffee I bought at the “Dollar Tree”. As well as the big jar of instant coffee my father had bought me this weekend. I’m talking with my housemate’s and the roses 🥀 my father bought are thrown away. Remembering; that Father’s Day is this weekend and dad is coming to pick me up on Saturday. 

It’s also Laundry Day today; I wasn’t the first wash load and there’s five people to do laundry and we also just arrived at The Lions Center. It’s by a house that I was visiting when I had a hard time being sober and recently got torn down. I’ve seen some people on the streets and I am grateful I got away from that kind of life. I’m doing better and it’s been ten months since I last walked away. I’m looking at a coloring page and the coloring pencils set out before me by one of the workers. 

Is today the day to color? I’m also thinking about my sketchbook and the adult coloring books I brought with me. Waiting for breakfast and a cup of coffee. We are told to sit down in our chairs at the table. My planners set out before me and my housemate asked if I would write about our time at the center. The worker just announced she would be bringing our coffee and I have helped before; for about three years I was a waitress.

Today I know I haven’t made excuses for myself and there’s some in here way more mentally sick than myself. I don’t even know what I can say but I have written in my planner; when you connect to your big why you’ll stay on the track towards creating the life you really want to be living! I’ll save the topic of; connecting to my why, for the next post and just relax? 

I also wrote that I need meditation and it will add understanding to my “know”. Getting to the “Spiritual & Intellectual Growth” through allowing truths, insight, and principles change my perspective to better my life. I’m sitting here looking at the coloring page of what seems to be a Polly Pocket doll sitting at a table and chair, like I am, and it says “Let’s meet at the cafe.” I am remembering faces I have met in the past. 

Too much coffee can make your stomach hurt but no one has told me that I drank too much coffee and I haven’t eaten anything for breakfast. I have a pack of cigarettes in my purse and it has ten cigarettes in the pack and I also brought my vaporizer but there’s little to no charge on the Aegis Vaporizer filled with Chic 40mg e-juice. It’s the eighth vaporizer I have had and I have had it since Mother’s Day 21”. 

Tuesday’s Tune

​Drinking my second cup of coffee! I love coffee and cigarettes and we’re waiting for our ride to the center. I am glad to have our housemate back from the hospital. Sitting at the kitchen table and we are both quiet which is good and it seems he/she is feeling much better. I haven’t been in the hospital, all year, and I appreciate that people have noticed I have been doing better than last year. Around this time last year, I was in the hospital four times half way towards the end of the year.

Drinking my third cup of coffee and smoked a cigarette with my housemate. The guy worker is playing music 🎶 on his phone in the room where only workers can sit. The lady in charge of the center still hasn’t called and we’re waiting for her. It’s 8:30AM and I have been awake since 6:30AM. I don’t have much of a morning routine and have read several good ideas. What do you do in the morning that helps? 

We’re at The Lions 🦁 Center and it’s ten minutes till ten. Waiting for breakfast and I am going through Twitter and Pinterest and cutting out the people who I don’t want to follow. Having bravery to get rid of negative energy on social media and I have twice as many people I follow and only a few people following me on social media. Drinking another cup of coffee and about to go smoke a cigarette. 

Drinking a cup of tea and made an 11:11 wish that I could start a career with social media and do well for myself. I have been on Twitter this morning and read several articles on growing traffic. It would be great if I had a following and people liked my blog. I’m still paying attention to Spiritual & Intellectual Growth and am learning about boundaries. It’s lunch time and we’re having sandwiches 🥪!

Seeking Saturday

​Drinking a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of Cheerios. I’m sitting on my bed and my dad informed me the little one woke up at 4:45AM. Today I would like to talk about being supportive no matter what situation you are in. 

Being Supportive: I need to be as supportive as I can and be there for the people that mean the most in My life.

• Offering genuine encouragement, reassurance, and compassion.
• Providing verbal expressions of sympathy or physical gestures of affection.
• Listening with an open mind and no judgment.
• Avoiding making promises you can't keep.
  
  

I had two cups of coffee and four cigarettes since 7AM. I’m learning supportive habits and learning ways to be more self sufficient. Being open from my own place of truth; hopefully I can see my dad today but if not I know I will be ok and life is good. I think of myself as a supportive individual and today I am being patient and not worried if I can get to do what I want. I’m not sending a ton of annoying text and remaining unselfish by going with the flow. 

Focus For Friday

​Financial Freedom is such a blessing and hopefully an attainable goal I can reach in the future. When not doing good financially; I feel selfish for asking for more. I needed to take a shower but I don’t have any shampoo and the shower is filthy. There are five things I need on a weekly basis; toilet paper, coffee, cigarettes, tide pods, and soda. That’s what I buy every week; things are getting so expensive and I need a way to make some more money.

The new caregiver is here and I took my medicine and smoked a cigarette. Since waking up at 5:45AM, I have smoked six cigarettes and just received my five house cigarettes. I am grateful and even though I am doing the best I can I am needing to do better. I have a counseling appointment this afternoon. The new caregiver is making a pitcher of coffee and my ride to the center said she would be here by 8:30AM.

I talked to my dad yesterday and asked him if he would buy me a carton of Lucky 🍀 Strikes. He did; then I texted him and said I would rather have my $25 a week. I was hesitant this morning and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. He’s taking me out for breakfast tomorrow morning at “Skillet & Dinner” and then we’re going to “Luxor’s Vape Shop”. My dad is very supportive and helpful but never mistake kindness for weakness.

It’s especially important I don’t become a burden on my parents and I am grateful for everything they do for me. The lady in charge of the center picked me up and we arrived at the center at 9:25AM; as she was arriving the elderly housemate who has been here for a while had thrown my phone and was told she would have to find somewhere else to live.

I’m eating breakfast; grits and sausage. Drinking a cup of third cup of coffee and sitting at a table. Despite having a pretty difficult morning and not being able to take a shower. I’m determined to make it a good day and looking forward to my counseling appointment and seeing my dad tomorrow morning.

Although; I haven’t worked in over ten years and my weekly pay has gotten cut in half since the beginning of the year. I know I will be taken care of and things will be alright. I told my father that I have too much stuff in my room and that the house owner is tired of me having a lot of junk in my room. I am focusing on work habits and finding motivation from Pinterest articles; as time progresses I need to be able too show up for myself and work on my future self.

I received my second cup of coffee and am needing help to fill out the rest of my PSY form. There’s several things I can do to make today and the future better and counseling will help. The things I found are; to love myself, use positive self talk, creating and maintaining healthy habits, practicing gratitude, learning new things, mastering my time, making connections, conquering fears, being consistent, finding or renewing faith, and investing in the future.