Trusting On Tuesday

​My caregiver called and said she needed the number to True Mental Health; although I don’t have a designated person to do this, instead I am seeing one person from their team a week. She said she was at JPS, and she would see that we get our medication and cigarettes. My Purpose; needs to be too better understand myself and how I can get past my 20’s; when I lost the trust of my family through sex, drugs, leaving, and being unstable. Now that I am in my mid thirties and am about to be thirty-five at the end of July on the 28th. This is more important to me than ever before. 

I have learned that I would be nowhere if I didn’t trust in my caregivers, and my caseworkers. I’ve been a part of Cave Care Adult Group Home, since 2016. Although I don’t see my family a lot, today is Tuesday and I’ll FaceTime My Dad at 3:45PM. I don’t work or go to school, so it’s up too me to keep pushing myself to do better every day. Mostly that’s what we’re called to do in life, go to school and work. Though what if life didn’t go as planned, I am being patient at The Group Home for Gods assignment for my life.

Trust; one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have given up before and hurt a lot of people and a lot of people hurt me. From bad relationships to fights and finding the strength to go on daily sticking to the plan of staying in the group home. Trust can either make or break the relationship and the time that we endure.

 I am glad it’s lunch time and I have mostly wrote in my planner and sketchbook after reading helpful articles on Discipline and Persistency. Multi-Tasking at the moment which they say is bad morals and not something you should do. So I will take the time to finish my lunch and go outside to smoke before finishing this blog entry.

Why To Trust ♥️🌹

 When Someone Who Has Let Us Down In The Past. 

If it wasn’t for God showing us first of unconditional love; think of how much we would be hurting. If from the moment you and I were born everything was perfect and we never had the mistakes after Eve ate the apple 🍎 from the Tree, God told her not to eat from. It’s especially hard for a teenager to not go along with peer-pressure and to start resenting parental authorities. At least this is my perception on my reality.

I was a 15 year old Freshman at McNeese State University who got involved with a bad crowd and started using CoCain and Weed for the first time as soon as I left my family. In 20 years I have experimented with all sorts of things I am not proud of. I am a recovering addict and have dropped out of college several times. I am glad to be alive today too tell my stories of growing up and getting right with God. 

After having a little boy at 26 I have learned that we want our children too do the best they can, and I know and have to live with the fact I have let so many things happen and destroy my relationships. My Mom and I are having a hard time working through the past and I was devastated to the first time I had to confess to her. There’s certain things that we can’t hide, no matter how hard we try. The truth always shines through. The fact that I wasn’t married and the guy that got me pregnant has been hard to live with; and I know it’s my fault since I did the opposite of what God and my family were trying to teach me and learned the hard way. I once told my parents that I would not know if I didn’t experience what life had to offer.

I am willing to make amends and am known for my resilience. I can’t fix everything and the more I push it the worst it gets. It’s better just to take it moment by moment and see how things get better or worse. I have been sober for three months now, am staying away from sex, and depending on God more than ever before.

How To Trust! 

Like I said, receiving and having trust, has been one of the toughest things in my life. My roommate seems to like watching Jerry Springer and Maury. Shows like that make me cringe and I don’t feel comfortable watching them. So I try to listen to my headphones or turn the TV off. When people don’t act like you want them too or things don’t work out, they say to talk and resolve them. I have a Pinterest Board on “Repairing Relationships” even though I don’t like confrontations. 

I have told both my parents that I am sorry about the way I used to act and say thank you for everything you do for me and the family. Though I have learned through trials of running away that sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. It is especially important for me to come from a place of sincerity and of not giving up, as I also have a Pinterest Board on “Not Leaving”.

When you have to trust someone in order to survive, life is in their hands and I should have thought harder when I left my son. Although I am blessed that my parents and sister were there to take care of him.