It’s the end of the week and I am glad it’s Friday. Sitting at the table inside the center and waiting for a cup of coffee. I had three cups of coffee this morning and opened my fourth pack of cigarettes. Drank a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of cereal. It was my second bowl of cereal and I am hoping to get a second cup of coffee. Though the lady watching the center said I would have to wait.
My caseworker stated theirs better things to spend my money on other than cigarettes. My dad was happy; he wouldn’t have to buy me anymore cigarettes when I go see him this weekend. I have six packs of Lucky Strikes left and I just stepped outside to smoke one cigarette and took a couple of puffs of my vaporizer. Waiting for a second cup of coffee and trying to understand where I wrote on today’s plans to research FEAR.
Fear Of The Unknown; and How I Want To Be Comfortable Here.
I’m slowly recovering from my negative past and learning things don’t always go my way. The lady in charge said there wasn’t any coffee left. That’s alright and I’m grateful for the coffee I have received this morning. The more grateful I am the better things get and I find myself not wasting away as much.
I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had my fair share of panic attacks in the past. God cares enough about us to provide a way through. Sure, my anxiety attack at UTA wasn’t fun and sent me to the hospital for two weeks and I accumulated a lot of financial debt from dropping out.
Though I am reminded in Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you in my righteous hand. The center is closed on Monday; and I will be spending the weekend with my family.
It’s important that I know that my mental health is more important than college and money. My comfort and receiving the help from caregivers is important and I don’t have to rush the future. Taking one step a day and not overwhelming myself and also to keep taking my medicine and staying calm. I’m nervous about how my sister and son might treat me but I know it’s going to be a good “Father’s Day Weekend”!
Fear Of Limiting Beliefs; or laziness and being overwhelmed.
I shouldn’t compare myself to other’s or live in a fantasy world where I am not prepared to live. I have stated my Limited Beliefs in a previous post and one thing that is important is that we all get along as a family this weekend.
I’m reminded in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Ways To Overcome These Fears and Starting On My Journey To Succeed.
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