I just finished my second cup of coffee and am sitting at the table. It’s 10AM; and I am a year since a blog post which is nice to look back on. I’m still having my times with my caseworkers; and yesterday my caseworker said they’re not all going to stop taking us places. I started my period about the same time I did last year. I get paid half of what I did last year; since my rent went up. Meanwhile; feeling the hard things in life and working independently through response.
I’ve been here in the group home and daycare center for eight years now. In order to get along; you have to learn that it is about you and not others. Through having self-awareness and taking an honest look at life; hopefully I can find healing and wisdom from the situations I have been in. I am knowing that the best thing for me to do is stay here.
Though; what about all the five times I ran away? Since I was 13; I know I have ran away more than that. It’s rocky relationships and insecurities for the most part but I have always been taken care of, even in the hardest of times. What exactly was I looking for? Mentally my routine and my medication are working and although I don’t live with my family and the people at the group home are hard to get along with the times in the past have proved to me that life doesn’t get better if you force it too and aren’t depending on God.
Was I in flight mode because life got hard? Many articles talk about fight or flight response and since I feel I am getting too old to run away and my health is a major concern, even if it’s just me being concerned I have too make the best out of my life and try to find independents within myself by doing the right thing.
Where did I go and run off too? I’m often too hard on myself and in the past I have made so many bad decisions. Resulting to drugs and elopement and going to prison, in 2020, I had a three month jail sentence for shoplifting at Target. I had been on the streets since September 19” to April 20” at the beginning of Co-Vid19. The last time I ran away I went to Downtown and was there from February 21” to April 21”. That’s when I got frostbite on my right hand middle finger and my ring finger. It’s healed now but it was truly a hard learning experience that I will never forget.
The answer is, in my opinion can leave me to feel embarrassed and I don’t know why I thought it was better being risky than being in the comfortable situation like I am right now. Though we have had several that have come to the group home and left and ran away. I’m getting better at being my own unique self and not hanging out in bad places. Though one thing that is helping me is staying out of others drama and focusing mainly on myself. I am learning more about my honest nature, my values, my habits, and my emotions.
Today I am researching “Emotional Growth”; I am depending more on myself to do the right thing than the destructive pattern of the past. An emotionally mature person has reached and continues to reach a level of self-understanding with regards to their thoughts & behaviors. Then decides how to best approach and cope with the situation that might otherwise be challenging.
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