Super Saturday

​It’s ten minutes till three; my dad is making us a pitcher of coffee and we got haircuts this morning. I’m sipping on my coffee and I have had too many cups to count. Since 6:30AM; when my roommate and I woke up, craving coffee. I’m a recovering addict and I have to stay close to my mental health help.

My caregiver let me take my meds in the reminder box and my dad picked me up at 10AM. Most of the people at “The Group Home”; stayed at the house this weekend and I am glad that my father and I have a close relationship. The elderly caregiver showed up at 8AM and I had my medicine and she fixed me two cups of coffee. I tried not too pester her to much when she was making breakfast.

My son is loving “Transformers Bot Bots” and I must agree, my family is a lot better with him, than I am. I’m here for him but not fully engaging. They even have a show about the toys. My dad is encouraging him to spend time with me; it’s been mostly my fault and I am here for both of them. I gave my dad the book I read about a month ago; “The Night Portrait”.

Fearless Friday

​It’s the end of the week and I am glad it’s Friday. Sitting at the table inside the center and waiting for a cup of coffee. I had three cups of coffee this morning and opened my fourth pack of cigarettes. Drank a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of cereal. It was my second bowl of cereal and I am hoping to get a second cup of coffee. Though the lady watching the center said I would have to wait.

My caseworker stated theirs better things to spend my money on other than cigarettes. My dad was happy; he wouldn’t have to buy me anymore cigarettes when I go see him this weekend. I have six packs of Lucky Strikes left and I just stepped outside to smoke one cigarette and took a couple of puffs of my vaporizer. Waiting for a second cup of coffee and trying to understand where I wrote on today’s plans to research FEAR.

Fear Of The Unknown; and How I Want To Be Comfortable Here.

I’m slowly recovering from my negative past and learning things don’t always go my way. The lady in charge said there wasn’t any coffee left. That’s alright and I’m grateful for the coffee I have received this morning. The more grateful I am the better things get and I find myself not wasting away as much. 

I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had my fair share of panic attacks in the past. God cares enough about us to provide a way through. Sure, my anxiety attack at UTA wasn’t fun and sent me to the hospital for two weeks and I accumulated a lot of financial debt from dropping out. 

Though I am reminded in Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you in my righteous hand. The center is closed on Monday; and I will be spending the weekend with my family.

It’s important that I know that my mental health is more important than college and money. My comfort and receiving the help from caregivers is important and I don’t have to rush the future. Taking one step a day and not overwhelming myself and also to keep taking my medicine and staying calm. I’m nervous about how my sister and son might treat me but I know it’s going to be a good “Father’s Day Weekend”!

Fear Of Limiting Beliefs; or laziness and being overwhelmed.

I shouldn’t compare myself to other’s or live in a fantasy world where I am not prepared to live. I have stated my Limited Beliefs in a previous post and one thing that is important is that we all get along as a family this weekend. 

I’m reminded in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Ways To Overcome These Fears and Starting On My Journey To Succeed.

Thrive on Thursday

​I woke up at 6:30AM; took my medicine and smoked a cigarette, then went back to sleep till 8AM. The new caregiver who has worked a few days, arrived. In the last hour I have had two cups of coffee and three cigarettes. It’s 9AM and our ride to the center just called and said she was on her way to pick us up.

It’s another hot 🥵 day and I am sipping on my first hot cup of coffee and eating my second bowl of cereal. At the house I had a bowl of Cheerios & now at the center I’m eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. Thinking about what I watch going on here at the center and how I am being able to see my family this weekend.

Thrive; means to grow vigorously, to flourish, to gain in wealth or possessions, to prosper, to progress towards or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances. 

I received a call saying that I have an appointment next week on Tuesday the 21st at 2PM, with my PCP. I’m going to be at my family’s house till Monday which is June Tenth; my caregiver has celebrated this holiday a lot and my father is taking off work. Smoked a cigarette and fifteen puffs of my vaporizer; my IPhone acted goofy and I lost what I wrote and had to restart my phone. 

My caseworker came by yesterday and read my blog and some of the notes & commented on my artwork. She was really impressed and said good things about my work. She might come by today and take me to “The Downtown Fort Worth Water Gardens”! Thinking of ways I can thrive by doing what I am doing through writing.

I haven’t been able to read the chapter of the book I am reading “The Lost Family”; the model is cheating on her husband with the tennis 🎾 couch and it’s full of drama. For the most part I stay away from drama but my mom knows that when I was in my twenties I definitely shared in on the drama. I’m grateful that my life is calmer now but I still wish I could do something more productive with my life.

Sitting here at the center; where we are, and finding things to fill my time.

Why We’re Wednesday

​I post the articles that I have read on Pinterest and Twitter. I started college in 05” when I was 15 years old. I’m gratefully connected to The Center and it’s my place of safety; good people, mostly workers, keep us in line and they patiently wait for us to complete our day here. I’m not the one to talk too much and I have just walked back in from smoking two cigarettes and my coffee cup got thrown away.

This blog and although I don’t have a domain and excellent web hosted JohnnaFloyd.Com blog on Wordpress.com; as I haven’t renewed my Wordpress website subscription because of limited financial funds. I take pride in my work and I have been writing since I was 12. That’s when I went into the hospital and needed a spinal tap. I’m diagnosed as bipolar schizophrenia and severe depression seeing a psychiatrist since I had my accident.

I’m planning things to do in the future and hopefully my passion to create a purposeful and creative career in writing; and developing more on Public Relations and Advertising. I know I didn’t graduate and I have had offers to go back to school and am waiting to know what to do with the school loans I have accumulated. I can’t just throw in the towel and give up; I am thirty-four and retired in retail sales.

Something in online customer support, maybe? I struggle to build relationships and I “Know” that eventually something always comes up and God knows my future. Writing has really opened up doors to me knowing myself better and the support and following will come in timing. Knowing that others are busy and being ok with whatever God blesses me with. 

Knowing my parents still support me and I forgot to put Dr. Pepper’s in the fridge this morning. I see my caseworker tomorrow and only have fifteen dollars and don’t want to spend any money. This weekend I am looking forward to spending time with my family. We are hopefully able too exchange the shorts with “Mickey Mouse” for a pair of XL shorts since they’re a M. Which don’t fit me and I wore the sweatpants that say “Hello Kitty” that my sister got me for Christmas.

I’m wanting a better relationship with my sister’s and I will be an aunt soon; my little sister’s time with my son and hoping the relationship with them improves. The more I stay stable and at the group home doing what I am supposed too, the better life will get. I’m proud that I don’t blame anyone and there’s support for mental illness. I’m surrounded by things that make life easier and my mom says too chose my battles wisely.

The idea of starting a magazine and working with mental health resources; has been stated. Knowing that the lady in charge of the day program is also a Minister’s Wife. I have barely started a career for myself and I haven’t worked since I retired from Walmart on RSDI. JF-Design’s and CoDesign and learning more and being persistent and finding ways I can move forward the right way. 

We just ate lunch; chicken fried steak in the microwave and mashed potatoes and green beans. I’m also sipping on my cup of tea and it’s an hour till we smoke and I have six more cigarettes before opening the third pack of Lucky 🍀 Strikes, my dad bought me a carton. I am looking forward to eating steak 🥩 with my family for Father’s Day. Having something to look forward to, really helps and the lady in charge said we will play Bible Trivia soon.

Would On Wednesday

​In the last hour I have drank about six cups of coffee and; I have two jars of instant coffee I bought at the “Dollar Tree”. As well as the big jar of instant coffee my father had bought me this weekend. I’m talking with my housemate’s and the roses 🥀 my father bought are thrown away. Remembering; that Father’s Day is this weekend and dad is coming to pick me up on Saturday. 

It’s also Laundry Day today; I wasn’t the first wash load and there’s five people to do laundry and we also just arrived at The Lions Center. It’s by a house that I was visiting when I had a hard time being sober and recently got torn down. I’ve seen some people on the streets and I am grateful I got away from that kind of life. I’m doing better and it’s been ten months since I last walked away. I’m looking at a coloring page and the coloring pencils set out before me by one of the workers. 

Is today the day to color? I’m also thinking about my sketchbook and the adult coloring books I brought with me. Waiting for breakfast and a cup of coffee. We are told to sit down in our chairs at the table. My planners set out before me and my housemate asked if I would write about our time at the center. The worker just announced she would be bringing our coffee and I have helped before; for about three years I was a waitress.

Today I know I haven’t made excuses for myself and there’s some in here way more mentally sick than myself. I don’t even know what I can say but I have written in my planner; when you connect to your big why you’ll stay on the track towards creating the life you really want to be living! I’ll save the topic of; connecting to my why, for the next post and just relax? 

I also wrote that I need meditation and it will add understanding to my “know”. Getting to the “Spiritual & Intellectual Growth” through allowing truths, insight, and principles change my perspective to better my life. I’m sitting here looking at the coloring page of what seems to be a Polly Pocket doll sitting at a table and chair, like I am, and it says “Let’s meet at the cafe.” I am remembering faces I have met in the past. 

Too much coffee can make your stomach hurt but no one has told me that I drank too much coffee and I haven’t eaten anything for breakfast. I have a pack of cigarettes in my purse and it has ten cigarettes in the pack and I also brought my vaporizer but there’s little to no charge on the Aegis Vaporizer filled with Chic 40mg e-juice. It’s the eighth vaporizer I have had and I have had it since Mother’s Day 21”. 

Tuesday’s Tune

​Drinking my second cup of coffee! I love coffee and cigarettes and we’re waiting for our ride to the center. I am glad to have our housemate back from the hospital. Sitting at the kitchen table and we are both quiet which is good and it seems he/she is feeling much better. I haven’t been in the hospital, all year, and I appreciate that people have noticed I have been doing better than last year. Around this time last year, I was in the hospital four times half way towards the end of the year.

Drinking my third cup of coffee and smoked a cigarette with my housemate. The guy worker is playing music 🎶 on his phone in the room where only workers can sit. The lady in charge of the center still hasn’t called and we’re waiting for her. It’s 8:30AM and I have been awake since 6:30AM. I don’t have much of a morning routine and have read several good ideas. What do you do in the morning that helps? 

We’re at The Lions 🦁 Center and it’s ten minutes till ten. Waiting for breakfast and I am going through Twitter and Pinterest and cutting out the people who I don’t want to follow. Having bravery to get rid of negative energy on social media and I have twice as many people I follow and only a few people following me on social media. Drinking another cup of coffee and about to go smoke a cigarette. 

Drinking a cup of tea and made an 11:11 wish that I could start a career with social media and do well for myself. I have been on Twitter this morning and read several articles on growing traffic. It would be great if I had a following and people liked my blog. I’m still paying attention to Spiritual & Intellectual Growth and am learning about boundaries. It’s lunch time and we’re having sandwiches 🥪!

Monday Morning

​It’s 7:45AM and I woke up an hour ago. My dad took me shopping this weekend; and I am not worrying about money. Knowing I am well taken care of and sitting at the kitchen table with an awesome worker of the group home. The caregiver arrived and I have already taken my medication. She is making us some coffee with the new coffee maker.

It’s too late for me to have breakfast and the owner of the day program drove around after she picked me up for about 45 minutes. I’m sitting at the table and learning about Twitter and how to work with Social Media. I know I want to keep talking about “Personal Growth” and one thing that has really changed is I have thought more in a growth mindset than a fixed mindset. I’m drinking my first cup of coffee at the center and it’s 10:30AM. 

For this week’s topic to learn and research on; I wrote down “Spiritual & Intellectual Growth”. I am trying to manifest a true reality that I can truly begin to love 💕. Letting my inner parent grow more present and compassionate and letting healing happen every day. The house worker who was taking care of refilling medication this morning told me; my blog was good and to keep working on it. I’m learning to be less critical, less worried, and less judgmental. 

Seeking Saturday

​Drinking a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of Cheerios. I’m sitting on my bed and my dad informed me the little one woke up at 4:45AM. Today I would like to talk about being supportive no matter what situation you are in. 

Being Supportive: I need to be as supportive as I can and be there for the people that mean the most in My life.

• Offering genuine encouragement, reassurance, and compassion.
• Providing verbal expressions of sympathy or physical gestures of affection.
• Listening with an open mind and no judgment.
• Avoiding making promises you can't keep.
  
  

I had two cups of coffee and four cigarettes since 7AM. I’m learning supportive habits and learning ways to be more self sufficient. Being open from my own place of truth; hopefully I can see my dad today but if not I know I will be ok and life is good. I think of myself as a supportive individual and today I am being patient and not worried if I can get to do what I want. I’m not sending a ton of annoying text and remaining unselfish by going with the flow. 

Focus For Friday

​Financial Freedom is such a blessing and hopefully an attainable goal I can reach in the future. When not doing good financially; I feel selfish for asking for more. I needed to take a shower but I don’t have any shampoo and the shower is filthy. There are five things I need on a weekly basis; toilet paper, coffee, cigarettes, tide pods, and soda. That’s what I buy every week; things are getting so expensive and I need a way to make some more money.

The new caregiver is here and I took my medicine and smoked a cigarette. Since waking up at 5:45AM, I have smoked six cigarettes and just received my five house cigarettes. I am grateful and even though I am doing the best I can I am needing to do better. I have a counseling appointment this afternoon. The new caregiver is making a pitcher of coffee and my ride to the center said she would be here by 8:30AM.

I talked to my dad yesterday and asked him if he would buy me a carton of Lucky 🍀 Strikes. He did; then I texted him and said I would rather have my $25 a week. I was hesitant this morning and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. He’s taking me out for breakfast tomorrow morning at “Skillet & Dinner” and then we’re going to “Luxor’s Vape Shop”. My dad is very supportive and helpful but never mistake kindness for weakness.

It’s especially important I don’t become a burden on my parents and I am grateful for everything they do for me. The lady in charge of the center picked me up and we arrived at the center at 9:25AM; as she was arriving the elderly housemate who has been here for a while had thrown my phone and was told she would have to find somewhere else to live.

I’m eating breakfast; grits and sausage. Drinking a cup of third cup of coffee and sitting at a table. Despite having a pretty difficult morning and not being able to take a shower. I’m determined to make it a good day and looking forward to my counseling appointment and seeing my dad tomorrow morning.

Although; I haven’t worked in over ten years and my weekly pay has gotten cut in half since the beginning of the year. I know I will be taken care of and things will be alright. I told my father that I have too much stuff in my room and that the house owner is tired of me having a lot of junk in my room. I am focusing on work habits and finding motivation from Pinterest articles; as time progresses I need to be able too show up for myself and work on my future self.

I received my second cup of coffee and am needing help to fill out the rest of my PSY form. There’s several things I can do to make today and the future better and counseling will help. The things I found are; to love myself, use positive self talk, creating and maintaining healthy habits, practicing gratitude, learning new things, mastering my time, making connections, conquering fears, being consistent, finding or renewing faith, and investing in the future.

Teach Me Thursday

​I’m waiting for our caregiver to arrive and sitting on the couch watching the news. I’m looking too love my job as a writer and creative; each new day has an opportunity for me to write and do research. Practicing the skills I will use everyday and being consistent to  taking massive action. We had our toilet mess up yesterday and we were told we would have to pay an extra $20 next month. Although it wasn’t our fault and it eventually got fixed. 

I’m still learning about “Professional Growth” and trying to set goals in order to succeed. I’m hoping that when I go to counseling tomorrow they can start me in the right direction. Arrived at The Lions Center at 9:20AM and took a seat at a table. Had cereal and a cup of coffee and went outside and smoked one ☝️ cigarette. I brought my backpack and purse; and I have about six hours to spend here. 

Massive Action is when you take action until you get your desired results. Daily we are faced with obstacles, problems, and discomfort. It’s almost 8:30AM; and I have been up since 6:30AM, I had my medication 💊 and a cup of instant coffee and have smoked four cigarettes. When thinking about the future and the kind of work I would love to do. I think about improving my blogs and learning to work from my laptop.

Wanting On Wednesday

​The caregivers are here and I had two halfway full cups of coffee ☕️. I’m waiting on my ride to the center; and tomorrow we might not go to the center because we have an appointment with a new person that is taking care of our medication. My caregiver that has been here since the beginning is sorting through medication and my medicine has changed. I told her about my blogging and sent her the links; I also put my links on Facebook.

I want to have a successful career online by becoming an entrepreneur; and she started to talk about how when I first moved here I was going to school at Texas Wesleyan for Productions and Humanities and the project I did on The Group Home; we have had three new people move into the house. The new residents were interested that I am writing about my experiences here at The Group Home. The new elderly lady is supportive and I asked her what I should do and she said “Fund Raising For The Group Home”; as we ate breakfast at the table.

One Minute left for my laundry before I bring it downstairs to the dryer. The caregiver fixed eggs, sausage, and toast for breakfast and I am waiting on the lady from the daycare to pick me up. It’s almost 10AM and I am waiting at the door for my ride to the center. I have my backpack and purse and my laundry is in the dryer. 

It’s almost 2pm and I danced with the group today. When observing life is the cup half empty or half full? I colored in my mandala adult coloring book today. 

 

Working For Wednesday’s

​It’s Wednesday; and when I lived with my family I normally went to church at 6PM at night. I haven’t gone to church on a Wednesday in over six years. When I was, I was going to “Free At Last” or “Single And Parenting”. I also haven’t worked in nine years and today I am learning about “Professional Growth”. I need to find work and something I love to do. 

I’m waiting for the caregiver or the ride to The Lions Center; and I had a cup of instant coffee and smoked four cigarettes this morning. I put my bedding and dirty laundry in the laundry room in my basket with two Tide Pods. Depending on people is sometimes a good thing and there are times it can get ugly. We are told to help at times and I really regret giving up on so much and the times I have had a bad attitude towards situations.

Though; non of that regret does anyone any good and at 34, I need to make wiser and more sound decisions without seeking approval from others. I spent $20 yesterday on three packs of Lucky 🍀 Strikes and a slurpy; leaving me with $15 on Venmo and less than $4 on Chime. I’m glad I have money and look forward to seeing my financial life improve over the next five to ten years.

Strong work ethic defines you and your values; especially when you are punctual and efficient. Since I have been out of market, it will be hard to get back in. Employers might worry that I have lost skills. I worked in retail sales, customer service, as a cashier, and as a waitress from the age of 15 to 26. I was an ok worker but over time I became complacent and unable to work.

I also haven’t driven since I moved here to The Group Home during June of 2016. My father provided two trucks, a mini van, and two cars. I have gotten into wrecks in all of them or destroyed them and I don’t know how I feel about driving or if I will ever drive again. People are complaining that gas is $5 a gallon and I am glad I don’t drive right now.

My role model in charge of the center expressed how she hasn’t had time to read my blogs and I’m in her vehicle and we just stopped by the Post Office. She said she has been trying to get into the new building and will have work for me to do later in the year.

My role model in charge of The Group Home responded to my text and said she will find me something to work on.

Your past doesn’t define your current situation, nor your future. I can learn and concentrate on success and learning from others. While finding it within myself to start earning some money. 

True Test Tuesday

​I’ve been telling other people about my blog and wanting to move forward with my career and online work. Tomorrow I am working on Professional Growth and learning and developing some of the things I love to work on. I turned my laptop on for about three hours when I got home yesterday; although I only wrote a blog entry on JohnnaFloydCom on Wordpress. 

Today I am more focused on my personal life and reading an article about limited beliefs on mylenerietkerk ; one of my limited beliefs is I never graduated and have tried to make money online but it hasn’t and won’t work for me. Instead of keeping at it and working hard with the resources I have to build something that will help me and improve my future.

Another limited belief of mine; is that my relationship with my son won’t improve, he wants nothing to do with me after I abandon him and he needs my parents and not me and our relationship will never get better. I willingly want to work on this limited belief. 

As well as the one limiting belief that I have worked hard on; which is life is hard here and they don’t have my best interest at heart and I am not getting my needs met so I was running away looking to fill that void with other things that only ended in a vicious cycle of being homeless and loosing things and hanging out with bad people and drug use.