Waking Up

I'm still tired, after waking up at 8AM and going outside to smoke and having two cups of coffee. It's raining here in Fort Worth Texas, and we didn't go to the center today. A meeting with a new Doctor for the house. We're allowed to sit two people in the front of the house to smoke. I'm waiting for another cup of coffee and happy we get to chill out at the house today. When waking up what is the first thing you do? Some of my favorite things are to smoke, drink a cup of coffee, or get dressed. Though most of my life I have been lazy and I really had a good time listening to music on my earbuds instead of dealing with my housemates yesterday.

I'm charging my Geek Vape on my computer and writing, like I said, I intend on writing for sixteen days straight. As it said about The Lunar New Years, yesterday I was watching a movie called Home and I got kinda upset when one of the housemates turned it off. My Psycho Social case worker from Diadem Hearts gave me homework to do that involves writing feelings and I didn't write it last night. Often times, I'm forgetful and I really don't want to be complacent.

Lunar New Year 2023

Telling on people is just not cool, didn't go to sleep last night but stayed up thinking to myself. Things that have been going on are ok! I look forward to hearing more from Job from Diadem Hearts about going to school, this Fall of 23"! I just came inside from smoking a cigarette and it's almost 6AM. Made a cup of instant coffee and sat by the side of the house. I am mumbling. sentences and phrases that don't sound like my own and want to get to the bottom of it! Maybe Imposter Syndrome?  I'm labeled as schizophrenic and bi-polar and have to be very careful! So last night I celebrated. by staying up all night after I heard about The Lunar New Year; a Chinese tradition celebrated for 16 Days and this year it's the year of the Rabbit!

I had a great weekend; My Dad took me to Luxor's and we got a new coil, although I tried it after we bought it and thought I messed it up! I have had My Geek Vape since October of last year and it is one of my favorite things. He also bought me two things of juice Tigers Blood and CCCP+. He tried it and said he might even buy himself a vaporizer, he's trying to stop smoking. Which is good, I love my Dad and respect and boundaries are important. He just celebrated His 60th Birthday, and We went out for breakfast at Skillet N' Grill where I got Chicken N' Waffles and finished his hash browns. Then we went fishing and I caught 4 good sized crappie.

I don't want to sit here and write too much about My Dad but he is the major person in my life that's taking care of me! I have been close to a housemate but I know we have our differences and don't always see eye to eye. Like last week when she told the Group Home owner I didn't want to go to the center. I just want to relax and take care of myself and hide away from danger! I have my medicine in a ziplock bag for this morning too take in a few minutes and I was gifted four boxes of cigarettes from him. He also took me out for lunch! 

It's Monday, and the start of The Last Week of January last weekend My Mom who gave me a beautiful Happy Planner started school two weeks ago. She is going back to school at UTA for Her Second Bachelor's Degree in Journalism. I'm a writter also and my main focus is finishing up my degree in Advertising and Public Relations. There's a lot up in the air about what my future may hold. Although I am a LEO and Rabbit Horoscope states . . . "Will lead way this year, I work best in a TEAM, I need Social Support of those around me to be strong this year through Responsibility! I need to be More Protective over stuff and take care of what I have!

A Leader Amongst Strong Individuals . . . Heavenly Gate Race This Year! 

 

Today, we have to go to the center . . . The Northside Adult Daycare Center! I bring my purse and my mini backpack that are light pink and try to write as much as I can without smoking all my cigarettes up! Mostly since the beginning of this year I have been sitting outside and enjoying when my housemates sit by me and not so happy when they bum cigarettes off of me and need to stop going to the corner store near by that I've already spent $170, at since October of last year when we started going there. Money is tight and I have $53 in my chime account and $25 on Venmo! I'm not going to ask Dad for money this week and work on improving myself and helping those around me! 

 

Happy New Year

It's 2023; and I am happy to be alive...  It's The New Year and I look forward to what each day brings. No need to go anywhere and we had red beans and rice. I woke up to having our main caregiver bring us Krispy Kreme doughnuts and had five cups of coffee. I didn't blog much in December, but we had a good Christmas and the little one liked his presents. The family went to Mississippi, and Dad texted me this morning "Happy New Years!" I don't have any goals set but my main objective is to stay here, safe at the group home. Where off from the center tomorrow; and since today is the first of the year, I am reading and writing about what I would like to accomplish. Which seems I have been spending too much time vaping and smoking cigarettes and watching life go by. I really loved that I got to spend some quality family time with My Family for Christmas. Although I am now with my family from the Group Home. 

Tuesday's Thoughts

It's 5:39PM; I've been home from the center since 3PM. Yesterday, they didn't come but today the MITs bus arrived at 8:30AM. After I finished a cup of coffee. It's close to the end of the year and I am getting ready and in the Christmas Spirit.

The caregiver is making our meal downstairs in the kitchen, and we just came inside from smoking. Had some liquid iv energy drink and a Dr. Pepper since I've been home. 

Today, two people called from Diadem Hearts to say they were meeting with me this week. I have an appointment for Thursday at 3PM. One a Psycho-Social and the other a Recovery Manager. I talked to my Dad on the phone at 3:30PM and told him that they were coming to meet with me this week. We're going out Saturday morning to go eat breakfast at Skillet N' Dinner. I will know more, when they come to talk to me.

Still waiting for My Amazon order to go through and process, called Amazon and they said that payment would be when it ships. My housemate and a close good friend here gave me a nice ring today. The Northside Adult Day Care was decorated with Christmas decorations and tomorrow marks the last day of November. 

Mostly Monday

The MITs bus didn't arrive at 8AM, and instead we sat in the kitchen till about 10:30AM. It's 12:39PM and smoke time was from 12PM to 12:30PM. My family made it home safely from Mississippi and we enjoyed Thanksgiving here. Although, I haven't seen them in two weeks, I miss them. Waiting for an order from Amazon to process the payment through and I already received the little one's Christmas present. I miss the days when True Mental Health would take me out and we would do fun things like go to The Water Gardens. Though, now I have changed to Diadem Hearts and have little to talk about. The caregiver made brunch; breakfast sandwiches and I had some coffee. 

Why Worry Wednesday

Sitting in my room, after a long day at the center. Watching some motivational and informational videos. Worry causes your problems to get worse. Your circumstances are not the center of your life. Keep going, acting, and doing what you must do because then you will find the peace of God. Housemates, asking for cigarettes, we have twenty minutes till we can go smoke. Seems that's all anyone around here cares about, even though, My Dad has given me almost nine packs of Lucky Strike Red 100s, I don't want to share them. I am on a journey to self-awareness by looking at myself from an objective point of view. Through understanding my strengths, limitations, and weaknesses. Reading through some of the old journals I have and adding to them. A lady from Diadem Hearts came to the center "Northeast Side Adult Day Care" and had me sign some paperwork for the program. Ten more minutes till we smoke, normally the residents don't talk to me unless they want a cigarette, which I have told them no several times. I don't want to be used and treated badly and they have been a nice gift from my father. My hands are cold from being outside and I smoked two cigarettes. I have generalized anxiety disorder that I have to take medication for.

Worry; to give way to anxiety or unease, allowing me to dwell on difficulties or troubles. Thoughts, Images, Emotions, and Actions, of a negative nature in repetition. Uncontrollable manner that results from a proactive cognitive risk made to avoid or solve anticipated potential threats and their potential consequences. 

It's 6PM and I just refilled My Geek Vape with Tigers Blood. 

 

 

Diadem Hearts

I just got asked if the elderly lady, smokes in the house. Went outside and smoked two cigarettes, and another member of our group home got in trouble with opening the back door. At 3PM, after we got home from The Northeast Side Day Center; a man by the name of Job came to talk to me about the wonderful program of Diadem Hearts. He stated that not to many people get into the Program, and I am one of the fortunate ones that did. I am a recovering addict, mostly weed and meth, and I have been Sober over a year. A senior in college, looking forward to maybe one day finishing. We had an over the computer interview with a service coordinator and he said services will start this week. 

Services – Diadem Hearts – Recovery Management and Provider Entity

My Three Goals

1. To graduate college with a bachelor's degree in Advertising.  

    I haven't gone to school since Spring of 2018 and have five more classes till graduation. 

2. To grow closer to My Family.

    I have a ten year younger and eight year younger sister, who I don't talk to very much.

3. To mature as a young Christian woman.

The Five Programs I Am Going to Be a Part Of

1. Psychosocial Rehabilitation -

2. Nursing Services -

3. Peer Support - 

4. Transportation -

5. Substance Use Disorder Services -

Super Saturday

The time we spent together is precious, and I can't wait till we get to spend more time together! Sitting in My Room, thinking about this morning. I was able to see My Mom, Dad, and the little one. We went to go eat at Skillet N' Dinner, me and the little one got Chicken and Waffles. I still have a box of food left with Chicken and Waffles. My Mom and Dad are Happily Married, and I admire their relationship. Hoping one day, I will be that happy! Their good with the little one and he asked if I could come over more often. We spent time playing with an iPad slime maker, and he said he wanted a beanie boo's gift basket and some Hot Wheels for Christmas and His 9th Birthday. My Mom said, "Thank You, for the card!" Though we weren't together for long, we had a good time. They got me four packs of Lucky Strike cigarettes and two cases of Dr. Peppers. 

Balancing social life and getting things done. How much time, should we spend together? I was with My Family for an hour! There is definitely a difference between spending time together and spending time alone. I'm sitting in this room with two other people and there are eight of us who live here, and our caregiver is here.  It's healthy to have several people you can spend time with. 

 

Happy Birthday Mom

 It's My Mom's 54th Birthday today, and Veterans Day! It's raining and almost 12PM! I'm sitting in my room, listening to the rain fall harder and harder from the sky onto the roof. As it's Veteran's Day I changed into a blue shirt. Going to eat breakfast at Skillet N' Dinner tomorrow morning and go shopping with the family. They got the toilet unclogged and were able to go to the bathroom again. I made my mom a card! I started a new WordPress at http://www.johnnafloyd.wordpress.com and have two blogs now. Just sitting in my room and waiting for lunch. Yesterday, was The Marine Corp. Birthday!

For the most part, I haven't been doing anything! Vaping! Focusing on success and moving forward in life! Went outside with the caregiver, who is going to Wal-Mart, and just used the bathroom, now that it's fixed. It's getting cold outside and it's wet and the walkway is flooded. Back in my room, I hope My Mom is having a good Birthday! 

I'm sitting in my room, damp from the rain outside, remembering the conversation with Dad from yesterday. It's 12:34PM, watching Veterans Day stuff on YouTube. Health, Happiness, and Productivity to Finish the Year! It's November and Thanksgiving is soon! Then it'll be Christmas and the 9 Year old's birthday! Hearing the kids voice on this video about Veterans Day! Thank You, for Your Service to defend Our Freedom. We have 18 Generations of Soldiers who have served in the Armed Forces. 

Use your words to heal and bless others and wait to react, thinking about what I want to accomplish before the year is over. Right now, I am comfortable and am reading about Goals. Goals are not the same as wishes and dreams and need a concrete plan. What are My Goals for the next five years? Maybe I'll finally receive the Financial Air from school I am needing and go back and finish. My Mom is finishing her second bachelor's degree in Journalism. I just became an aunt, Aunt Cathryn! My family is doing good and there are eight people here at the Group Home. Staying at The Group Home has been a blessing and were waiting on our caregiver to come back and have lunch. I'm looking forward to drinking a sugar free coke and going shopping tomorrow for some more drinks.

What can I do This Month? This Week? Today? As a group, we're waiting on hearing back from MITS for transportation to The Northeast Side Day Care, and we will start going there throughout the week. I just got into the Diadem Hearts program and waiting for our next appointment. I had fun getting QuickTrip with one of the caseworkers this week. This month, My Dad, Sister, and Son, are going to Mississippi on the 18th thru 27th. I am staying with the group! 

I'm going through some old notebooks and reading what I have written. I like to take notes from Pinterest,  

  

First Friday

I write this blog for myself and appreciate the readers who do read it! It's been storming for most of the day! Sitting in this dark room, trying to come think of creative things to write. Trying to be alone but part of the group, too much of either one can cause problems. I'm glad the Month of November has started, and I talked to My Father, yesterday. He said they were going to Mississippi on the Seventeenth of This Month. As I am with My Group Home Family, the eight who live here. I am reminded that we all have our own opinions and our own special gifts. 

As A Senior Drop Out, lacking Five Classes to a BA in Advertising. I need to make it my job, to find out all the information on how much I owe the schools. If there's a way I can attain a College Degree, and if I can actually have a career someday. I'm hoping for Financial Relief, but there's so many pieces of information out that I would hate to fall for the wrong ones. My parents have told me to watch out for scams, and I look for ways to make My Future Brighter. 

A lady came today from "Diamond Hearts" to tell me about the program I am starting on Tuesday. Which will include, rides to the stores and to do things, and peer counseling. As It's Fall Season, I am grateful for where I am living, and I am staying strong and safe. Most importantly I have friends here, it is a Christian atmosphere and the caregiver just asked me if I was crying. It's been, a long time, since I cried. No longer feeling sorry for myself but trying to do better, trying to make each day better than the day before. Yesterday, I had an MHMR appointment over the phone.  

Off and On Rain, which it sounds worse now and the winds have really picked up! Sipping on water, and making sure I have plenty of water to drink. As My Housemates, have been sitting outside and the caregiver just said we aren't going back out there. I have had problems with bipolar disorder and most of the residence here at the house have the same disorder. It's thundering and lightening now, and everyone is inside. There has been plenty of food and we had noodles and tuna sandwiches for lunch. 

November is here!

It's The Start of November, the caregivers are downstairs having a meeting. They said . . . "They have no problem with me!" I do what I am supposed to! I try to stay out of the drama and not complain. There has been drama but it hasn't got the best of me. I seem to stick to myself, and I am looking forward to the next time we go to the new center. We've had one person move out and another person move in. I want healthy strong relationships but normally stick to hanging out with the caregivers and daily learning online.

TODAY I'M DEALING WITH UNDERSTANDING

While many of the ideas I have and am learning about are becoming better I need to understand, that I am lucky to be alive! That although, things do seem like people complaining a lot! I am in charge of myself, I'm 35, and My Father is my Pay-E. It's My Parents Anniversary this month. He paid my monthly rent and I have everything I need. Taking a course on Coursera about "Brilliant, Passionate You!" Public health is important and it's more important to have a purpose in life. 

What do I Value? To learn from my mistakes and improve My Future! I value my time here at The Group Home, as I have learned that it's hard out there on the streets. Going in the right direction and not looking back. Sipping on water, had a Dr. Pepper while I waited on MHMR. I'm waiting till my laundry is done out of the dryer. Just had a telehealth appointment with MHMR. Which went well, I have refills on the way and my medicine seems to be working.   

What are some of the ideas I've been Learning... That now that I'm 35 and have my little one being adopted, I don't need to be on the streets and unsafe. I've been sitting in front of the screen and vaping. We will start going to a new center soon and I really liked it the last time I was there. As a group we need to stay safe and keep everybody accountable, which is really, the caregiver's mission but with a little bit of care and help, we can make things run more smoothly here.

There are people who can help us! My caregiver talked about a program I am starting, now that I have ended services with True Mental. There are good and bad people in the world and I hope that they can say I was a strong dependable and risilient person in this world. We have thirty minutes before we go outside and our caregiver just gave us our meds and our five cigarettes.

Self Serving Saturday

 I just took a nap and slept for about an hour and forty-five minutes. Went to sleep last night at Two AM and woke up at Eight AM. It's good to get a decent amount of sleep each night. In order to feel rested and alert at all times. This Morning, My Dad called and took me to Skillet N' Dinner where I had chicken and waffles. The service is a blessing there and the crowd wasn't that bad. Dad also bought me a case of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar and a case of Dr. Pepper. Service is known in the dictionary as helping or doing someone a favor. I'm about to go outside and smoke a few cigarettes then hopefully it'll be lunch time.

I was hungry this morning and ate a big waffle and the chicken strips are great! Thinking of how I can be in service to someone close to me this week. Helping more around the house or just being there for the people that need me. It's so close to Halloween, but no one here has said they are dressing up or doing anything. My little one wants to go to Target, and I am looking at gifts online that match my budget. With the purchase of My New Rainbow Geek Vaporizer, I don't know the next time my father will put money in my account. Though, I owe about $138 for the vapori I want to keep myself and my germs and my soul . . . safe! I don't want to share, nearly as much as I used too. I am considering myself more selfish, as I try to keep myself safe! The caregiver, who cooked, sloppy joes, and rice, and served me my cherry zero sugar Pepsi. Also, the main woman in charge told me not to share my vaporizer. I have been attacked in the past because I wouldn't share. There's got to be something more to being friends than asking for stuff that is special to another individual. 

Finally Friday

It's Friday about 11PM; staying up tonight and thinking about how things have been since I turned 35! I'm thankful that it is quiet, and it was a rainy nasty day today. Charging My New Rainbow Geek Vaporizer with My HP Stream Laptop. It's the weekend, and I don't feel like going to sleep, just yet! I've been staying at The Group Home since 2016, though this time I know it's the only place that I have that's safe. I have kept up with all the good materials I have gained in the past few years and don't want to lose anything. Learning not to take everything personally and going with the daily flow of life around here. 

Telling the Truth and keeping my word! It's been a full week, I voted, yesterday... My first time to vote again in a long time! It didn't take long, and it was quite a simple and very valuable experience. I'm a Republican and want the best for the future. I read somewhere "For you to be able to fully close a chapter in life, you have to be able to open a new one and move forward. Finished a jar of coffee and charging My New Vaporizer. I have two disposable vaporizers and two e-juice vaporizers. My Father: found my last purple vaporizer at his house that I must have left on Labor Day.

For the last couple of Saturday's, My Father, has been taking me out to Skillet N' Dinner. Though, it's supposed to keep raining and the weather is changing. I went to JPS yesterday and went to the Emergency Room to get my fingers checked out and to see if I could get on birth control so I can get my injection. My parents are adopting the little one and he had a costume parade at school, that dad sent photos and videos of. The last time I saw my whole family was Labor Day and since then I have become an aunt and have yet to see my sister's baby! Although, I saw photos and was grateful for the photos. Earlier, I went through My Photos and deleted some.