Tuesday's Thoughts

It's 5:39PM; I've been home from the center since 3PM. Yesterday, they didn't come but today the MITs bus arrived at 8:30AM. After I finished a cup of coffee. It's close to the end of the year and I am getting ready and in the Christmas Spirit.

The caregiver is making our meal downstairs in the kitchen, and we just came inside from smoking. Had some liquid iv energy drink and a Dr. Pepper since I've been home. 

Today, two people called from Diadem Hearts to say they were meeting with me this week. I have an appointment for Thursday at 3PM. One a Psycho-Social and the other a Recovery Manager. I talked to my Dad on the phone at 3:30PM and told him that they were coming to meet with me this week. We're going out Saturday morning to go eat breakfast at Skillet N' Dinner. I will know more, when they come to talk to me.

Still waiting for My Amazon order to go through and process, called Amazon and they said that payment would be when it ships. My housemate and a close good friend here gave me a nice ring today. The Northside Adult Day Care was decorated with Christmas decorations and tomorrow marks the last day of November. 

Mostly Monday

The MITs bus didn't arrive at 8AM, and instead we sat in the kitchen till about 10:30AM. It's 12:39PM and smoke time was from 12PM to 12:30PM. My family made it home safely from Mississippi and we enjoyed Thanksgiving here. Although, I haven't seen them in two weeks, I miss them. Waiting for an order from Amazon to process the payment through and I already received the little one's Christmas present. I miss the days when True Mental Health would take me out and we would do fun things like go to The Water Gardens. Though, now I have changed to Diadem Hearts and have little to talk about. The caregiver made brunch; breakfast sandwiches and I had some coffee. 

Why Worry Wednesday

Sitting in my room, after a long day at the center. Watching some motivational and informational videos. Worry causes your problems to get worse. Your circumstances are not the center of your life. Keep going, acting, and doing what you must do because then you will find the peace of God. Housemates, asking for cigarettes, we have twenty minutes till we can go smoke. Seems that's all anyone around here cares about, even though, My Dad has given me almost nine packs of Lucky Strike Red 100s, I don't want to share them. I am on a journey to self-awareness by looking at myself from an objective point of view. Through understanding my strengths, limitations, and weaknesses. Reading through some of the old journals I have and adding to them. A lady from Diadem Hearts came to the center "Northeast Side Adult Day Care" and had me sign some paperwork for the program. Ten more minutes till we smoke, normally the residents don't talk to me unless they want a cigarette, which I have told them no several times. I don't want to be used and treated badly and they have been a nice gift from my father. My hands are cold from being outside and I smoked two cigarettes. I have generalized anxiety disorder that I have to take medication for.

Worry; to give way to anxiety or unease, allowing me to dwell on difficulties or troubles. Thoughts, Images, Emotions, and Actions, of a negative nature in repetition. Uncontrollable manner that results from a proactive cognitive risk made to avoid or solve anticipated potential threats and their potential consequences. 

It's 6PM and I just refilled My Geek Vape with Tigers Blood. 

 

 

Diadem Hearts

I just got asked if the elderly lady, smokes in the house. Went outside and smoked two cigarettes, and another member of our group home got in trouble with opening the back door. At 3PM, after we got home from The Northeast Side Day Center; a man by the name of Job came to talk to me about the wonderful program of Diadem Hearts. He stated that not to many people get into the Program, and I am one of the fortunate ones that did. I am a recovering addict, mostly weed and meth, and I have been Sober over a year. A senior in college, looking forward to maybe one day finishing. We had an over the computer interview with a service coordinator and he said services will start this week. 

Services – Diadem Hearts – Recovery Management and Provider Entity

My Three Goals

1. To graduate college with a bachelor's degree in Advertising.  

    I haven't gone to school since Spring of 2018 and have five more classes till graduation. 

2. To grow closer to My Family.

    I have a ten year younger and eight year younger sister, who I don't talk to very much.

3. To mature as a young Christian woman.

The Five Programs I Am Going to Be a Part Of

1. Psychosocial Rehabilitation -

2. Nursing Services -

3. Peer Support - 

4. Transportation -

5. Substance Use Disorder Services -

Super Saturday

The time we spent together is precious, and I can't wait till we get to spend more time together! Sitting in My Room, thinking about this morning. I was able to see My Mom, Dad, and the little one. We went to go eat at Skillet N' Dinner, me and the little one got Chicken and Waffles. I still have a box of food left with Chicken and Waffles. My Mom and Dad are Happily Married, and I admire their relationship. Hoping one day, I will be that happy! Their good with the little one and he asked if I could come over more often. We spent time playing with an iPad slime maker, and he said he wanted a beanie boo's gift basket and some Hot Wheels for Christmas and His 9th Birthday. My Mom said, "Thank You, for the card!" Though we weren't together for long, we had a good time. They got me four packs of Lucky Strike cigarettes and two cases of Dr. Peppers. 

Balancing social life and getting things done. How much time, should we spend together? I was with My Family for an hour! There is definitely a difference between spending time together and spending time alone. I'm sitting in this room with two other people and there are eight of us who live here, and our caregiver is here.  It's healthy to have several people you can spend time with. 

 

Happy Birthday Mom

 It's My Mom's 54th Birthday today, and Veterans Day! It's raining and almost 12PM! I'm sitting in my room, listening to the rain fall harder and harder from the sky onto the roof. As it's Veteran's Day I changed into a blue shirt. Going to eat breakfast at Skillet N' Dinner tomorrow morning and go shopping with the family. They got the toilet unclogged and were able to go to the bathroom again. I made my mom a card! I started a new WordPress at http://www.johnnafloyd.wordpress.com and have two blogs now. Just sitting in my room and waiting for lunch. Yesterday, was The Marine Corp. Birthday!

For the most part, I haven't been doing anything! Vaping! Focusing on success and moving forward in life! Went outside with the caregiver, who is going to Wal-Mart, and just used the bathroom, now that it's fixed. It's getting cold outside and it's wet and the walkway is flooded. Back in my room, I hope My Mom is having a good Birthday! 

I'm sitting in my room, damp from the rain outside, remembering the conversation with Dad from yesterday. It's 12:34PM, watching Veterans Day stuff on YouTube. Health, Happiness, and Productivity to Finish the Year! It's November and Thanksgiving is soon! Then it'll be Christmas and the 9 Year old's birthday! Hearing the kids voice on this video about Veterans Day! Thank You, for Your Service to defend Our Freedom. We have 18 Generations of Soldiers who have served in the Armed Forces. 

Use your words to heal and bless others and wait to react, thinking about what I want to accomplish before the year is over. Right now, I am comfortable and am reading about Goals. Goals are not the same as wishes and dreams and need a concrete plan. What are My Goals for the next five years? Maybe I'll finally receive the Financial Air from school I am needing and go back and finish. My Mom is finishing her second bachelor's degree in Journalism. I just became an aunt, Aunt Cathryn! My family is doing good and there are eight people here at the Group Home. Staying at The Group Home has been a blessing and were waiting on our caregiver to come back and have lunch. I'm looking forward to drinking a sugar free coke and going shopping tomorrow for some more drinks.

What can I do This Month? This Week? Today? As a group, we're waiting on hearing back from MITS for transportation to The Northeast Side Day Care, and we will start going there throughout the week. I just got into the Diadem Hearts program and waiting for our next appointment. I had fun getting QuickTrip with one of the caseworkers this week. This month, My Dad, Sister, and Son, are going to Mississippi on the 18th thru 27th. I am staying with the group! 

I'm going through some old notebooks and reading what I have written. I like to take notes from Pinterest,  

  

First Friday

I write this blog for myself and appreciate the readers who do read it! It's been storming for most of the day! Sitting in this dark room, trying to come think of creative things to write. Trying to be alone but part of the group, too much of either one can cause problems. I'm glad the Month of November has started, and I talked to My Father, yesterday. He said they were going to Mississippi on the Seventeenth of This Month. As I am with My Group Home Family, the eight who live here. I am reminded that we all have our own opinions and our own special gifts. 

As A Senior Drop Out, lacking Five Classes to a BA in Advertising. I need to make it my job, to find out all the information on how much I owe the schools. If there's a way I can attain a College Degree, and if I can actually have a career someday. I'm hoping for Financial Relief, but there's so many pieces of information out that I would hate to fall for the wrong ones. My parents have told me to watch out for scams, and I look for ways to make My Future Brighter. 

A lady came today from "Diamond Hearts" to tell me about the program I am starting on Tuesday. Which will include, rides to the stores and to do things, and peer counseling. As It's Fall Season, I am grateful for where I am living, and I am staying strong and safe. Most importantly I have friends here, it is a Christian atmosphere and the caregiver just asked me if I was crying. It's been, a long time, since I cried. No longer feeling sorry for myself but trying to do better, trying to make each day better than the day before. Yesterday, I had an MHMR appointment over the phone.  

Off and On Rain, which it sounds worse now and the winds have really picked up! Sipping on water, and making sure I have plenty of water to drink. As My Housemates, have been sitting outside and the caregiver just said we aren't going back out there. I have had problems with bipolar disorder and most of the residence here at the house have the same disorder. It's thundering and lightening now, and everyone is inside. There has been plenty of food and we had noodles and tuna sandwiches for lunch. 

November is here!

It's The Start of November, the caregivers are downstairs having a meeting. They said . . . "They have no problem with me!" I do what I am supposed to! I try to stay out of the drama and not complain. There has been drama but it hasn't got the best of me. I seem to stick to myself, and I am looking forward to the next time we go to the new center. We've had one person move out and another person move in. I want healthy strong relationships but normally stick to hanging out with the caregivers and daily learning online.

TODAY I'M DEALING WITH UNDERSTANDING

While many of the ideas I have and am learning about are becoming better I need to understand, that I am lucky to be alive! That although, things do seem like people complaining a lot! I am in charge of myself, I'm 35, and My Father is my Pay-E. It's My Parents Anniversary this month. He paid my monthly rent and I have everything I need. Taking a course on Coursera about "Brilliant, Passionate You!" Public health is important and it's more important to have a purpose in life. 

What do I Value? To learn from my mistakes and improve My Future! I value my time here at The Group Home, as I have learned that it's hard out there on the streets. Going in the right direction and not looking back. Sipping on water, had a Dr. Pepper while I waited on MHMR. I'm waiting till my laundry is done out of the dryer. Just had a telehealth appointment with MHMR. Which went well, I have refills on the way and my medicine seems to be working.   

What are some of the ideas I've been Learning... That now that I'm 35 and have my little one being adopted, I don't need to be on the streets and unsafe. I've been sitting in front of the screen and vaping. We will start going to a new center soon and I really liked it the last time I was there. As a group we need to stay safe and keep everybody accountable, which is really, the caregiver's mission but with a little bit of care and help, we can make things run more smoothly here.

There are people who can help us! My caregiver talked about a program I am starting, now that I have ended services with True Mental. There are good and bad people in the world and I hope that they can say I was a strong dependable and risilient person in this world. We have thirty minutes before we go outside and our caregiver just gave us our meds and our five cigarettes.

Self Serving Saturday

 I just took a nap and slept for about an hour and forty-five minutes. Went to sleep last night at Two AM and woke up at Eight AM. It's good to get a decent amount of sleep each night. In order to feel rested and alert at all times. This Morning, My Dad called and took me to Skillet N' Dinner where I had chicken and waffles. The service is a blessing there and the crowd wasn't that bad. Dad also bought me a case of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar and a case of Dr. Pepper. Service is known in the dictionary as helping or doing someone a favor. I'm about to go outside and smoke a few cigarettes then hopefully it'll be lunch time.

I was hungry this morning and ate a big waffle and the chicken strips are great! Thinking of how I can be in service to someone close to me this week. Helping more around the house or just being there for the people that need me. It's so close to Halloween, but no one here has said they are dressing up or doing anything. My little one wants to go to Target, and I am looking at gifts online that match my budget. With the purchase of My New Rainbow Geek Vaporizer, I don't know the next time my father will put money in my account. Though, I owe about $138 for the vapori I want to keep myself and my germs and my soul . . . safe! I don't want to share, nearly as much as I used too. I am considering myself more selfish, as I try to keep myself safe! The caregiver, who cooked, sloppy joes, and rice, and served me my cherry zero sugar Pepsi. Also, the main woman in charge told me not to share my vaporizer. I have been attacked in the past because I wouldn't share. There's got to be something more to being friends than asking for stuff that is special to another individual. 

Finally Friday

It's Friday about 11PM; staying up tonight and thinking about how things have been since I turned 35! I'm thankful that it is quiet, and it was a rainy nasty day today. Charging My New Rainbow Geek Vaporizer with My HP Stream Laptop. It's the weekend, and I don't feel like going to sleep, just yet! I've been staying at The Group Home since 2016, though this time I know it's the only place that I have that's safe. I have kept up with all the good materials I have gained in the past few years and don't want to lose anything. Learning not to take everything personally and going with the daily flow of life around here. 

Telling the Truth and keeping my word! It's been a full week, I voted, yesterday... My first time to vote again in a long time! It didn't take long, and it was quite a simple and very valuable experience. I'm a Republican and want the best for the future. I read somewhere "For you to be able to fully close a chapter in life, you have to be able to open a new one and move forward. Finished a jar of coffee and charging My New Vaporizer. I have two disposable vaporizers and two e-juice vaporizers. My Father: found my last purple vaporizer at his house that I must have left on Labor Day.

For the last couple of Saturday's, My Father, has been taking me out to Skillet N' Dinner. Though, it's supposed to keep raining and the weather is changing. I went to JPS yesterday and went to the Emergency Room to get my fingers checked out and to see if I could get on birth control so I can get my injection. My parents are adopting the little one and he had a costume parade at school, that dad sent photos and videos of. The last time I saw my whole family was Labor Day and since then I have become an aunt and have yet to see my sister's baby! Although, I saw photos and was grateful for the photos. Earlier, I went through My Photos and deleted some. 

True Test Tuesday

Today, I was told "I'm very Independent!" . . . That although, I live in this house I am a mature young woman who deserves respect. I was also told I make my own decisions. I told My Father, that I scored 9 out of 24 points on The Amerigroup Assistance Assessment. I didn't argue . . . I have told him everything that has happened! Waiting for My Driver's License to Go Vote! 

Waiting for lunch and for the Chaos around the house to start to calm down. What Test; I remember loosing the right to drive the truck My Father had given me in Spring of 2016, when my tire went flat on the way to a Geography test at UTA. I put in an application to ApplyTexas.com and am waiting on the Academic Advisor meeting on November 7th! I'm hoping things work out with the money I owe Financial Aid!  

I haven't taken a shower, but I do need to realize that I can wash my hair & bathe . . . By Myself! I have a "Brand New" bottle of Pantene Pro-V Shampoo & Conditioner, unopened, and a full bottle of Shampoo + Conditioner in the bathroom. I haven't complained but during the interview with Amerigroup, I felt very uncertain about myself. 

I'm grateful for all the abilities I have! I tried My Best to answer the questions correctly. I can walk though, I started to say my legs hurt! I'm 35; woe's to growing up! 

Favorite Friday

I had a meeting with MHMR this morning; and our main care giver, . . . called me at 6:45AM. I have worn my Faith sweatshirt and sweatpants. When the caregiver picked me up, we went driving for a while. It's nice to watch her interact with her grandkids. She bought me coffee; I was grateful to have a lot of coffee this morning; and a sausage biscuit and a hashbrown. 

Thank You for These Blessings . . . I finished lunch and had a chicken salad sandwich and corn chips. I smoked, two cigarettes, and the housemate was outside with me, I wish she would stop asking. Why are we being blamed for having social lives and things to do? I had a lovely time out with my caregiver and look forward to seeing My Father in the morning. 

 

Some of The Questions from MHMR in the Counseling Meeting; was have I ever hurt myself on purpose? I was thankful; My Caregiver was there my mind was mostly blank! She told the counselor that I am adventurous and that I'm lucky to be alive. These battles have been demonic and mostly about emotional and sexual abuse. She told him about, things I am trying to forgive myself for and for the most part already have. They had me sign several signatures on the documents and said there will be a meeting for next Wednesday. 

Thoughtful Together

Being dedicated to something, greater than yourself and monetary wishes, is important! I want to be remembered for all the hard work I have done and continue to do. I have had an issue today of getting into a problem with who is in charge of My Health Care. I have trust and faith; that this issue will get resolved. In the following, I would like to discuss what I have experienced with both, how I have improved, and mutual respect. One of the best things to do, is to do your research and find appropriate help.

I need to give, credit, where credit is due on images. I learned about this through istockphoto.com!

Although, today is the 20th, and it says the 10th! I am blessed through all the help I get! 

Mental Health & Mental Rehabilitation. 

I started out with this program in October of 2017; when my care giver signed me up. I really don't know what happened, which isn't a good excuse! I don't like making excuses in the first place. I am doing a lot better though! This program; is the one that they are changing me over too. Through, the last six to eight years . . . I have been writing on how I dropped out of College, Miss My Family and Visit them occasionally, and continue to make progress.

Found From Bing.com; through appropriate care we can make sure we are doing the best we can in life!

True Mental Health; is for people dealing with serious mental illness.

I do not want to go against, too many rules, around here. I don't even know when they started me on this program but each car was almost too luxurious and I would spend a lot of money every time I went out with them. Trips to the stores and one day even persuaded too move out, which I'm glad I didn't do. In some way or form when they showed up today, I felt almost attacked.

They showed up since May and I am glad too see which direction this goes. Life is an adventure, and I'm in an adventurous spirit and I also know my limits! I don't want to be betrayed and try to be a stronger person. My caregivers know best and when enough is enough we do what we can to survive.

Thank You! Rocket Fuel; I am trying to rebuild some of the bridges I have messed up! Hopefully, through learning more about relationships that are healthy I can do Awsome things in the future!

Written On Wednesday

I have three; things that I'm proud of . . . When you're proud of something, you shouldn't just bypass it and I have had moments when I felt my thought pattern was disorganized. I try to get myself organized; and labeled my clothes with a fine tip sharpie. I have been studying on Faith; and too me it means trusting without seeing. I am grateful; that I can see! Though; I'd love to have some newly prescribed glasses. My Email's have been messed up and I am hopefully finished with the Student Loan Battle. The three things, I'm proud of is school, work, and entertaining myself.

Healthy Relationship's; I have been sexually harassed and abused, in past relationships. Though, I am proud of myself for sustaining from sex for close to two years. I don't know, how to discuss this topic and I know I have taken a lot of the pain of it on myself. Being in the right situation and not wanting to go out and staying off the streets in this house. It's something, I am researching right now, and as time goes on things seem to get better. Although; it is something my housemate is bringing up, almost constantly. 

There are currently eight individual clients who live in Cave Care and we all have a mission, purpose, and calling. I am surrounded, in my part of the room, with so many books. I've only read to chapter ten in The Book By Moran "How To Be Famous!" I am so interested in this book, but so many things take up my time and I do them without excuse, for instance washing the dishes and going down the stairs when I am called. The interesting thing is this book has mentioned the name Johanna and I wonder if this is me?! Vain or not, as I am a writer who has been writing since I was 12. The Book; also mentions one of my room-mates names. In a way, this rewards me about writing.

Finding Your Voice; I am wandering into Chapter 10; as one of the caregivers, one who has known me the longest, stated in Fall I get into an Adventurous Spirit! I do not have a huge head, although I know I did when I was a kid. I was reminded, that my son has been asking for all sorts of things. Meanwhile; after the shopping trip this weekend I was happy with the things I have. 

Monday's Motto's

I've had a lovely morning; until one of the housemates emotionally dumps her smoke clouds all over me. Simply to be a companion, sometimes feels threatening. Though, through times of trials that is what we are called to do. We had amazing French Toast and Eggs, made by Ms. J this morning. It's been eight years she's been my caretaker. The First Year; at the first house we moved into I was hired by Fiesta's and I didn't choose anything other than going to Texas Wesleyan. I do not try to put my spirit or wisdom in front of others to intimidate them. The Government is paying off my student loans, as I take care of myself with the help that's provided. 

I do not know exactly what is going on, taking trips with True Mental Health was fun. Then all of a sudden it stopped; and I have been in the hospital at JPS twice. I remember telling My Family on the Moto. I have had a trialing history in life and am not wanting to repeat the same mistakes. I feel better than worse and my main health concern is My Bipolar Disorder. I trust in The Lord; and My Family and Care Takers have done the best for me. 

These Are A Few of My Newly Found Motto's

Mottos are short sentences that chosen to encapsulate a belief or idea guiding an individual. I shouldn't take things as defensively as I had growing up. Meanwhile, My Thirty Fifth Birthday is still a treasured memory, as the whole day was full of mature spiritual, physical, mental, and symbolic surprises.  

Don't Be Afraid to Fail, Be Afraid to Not Try! 

Gossip fills the air; and I want to start standing up for Myself and hopefully help others. In doing so, I know I have written and established myself throughout the group home. I am trying to create a world that I love and even try some of the things to keep myself entertained, while not getting into deep over my head. I'm currently, reading The Book of Joshua and learning about Faith. With Halloween, Right around The Corner, there are surprises every day in store.

A Bad Semester or One Bad Grade Won't Define Your Future!

It hasn't been, a bad life, and I choose to stay here and am happily associating myself with my future. Although; my email seems to be hacked and I am waiting on a call from the Main Care Giver about MHMR. Maybe a huge curse by playing hacky sack, or taking daily vitamins, or the new found interest of going through new situations upon the horizon! This Subway Ad reminds me of how many people got in trouble a few times I have left to go downtown. One of My Favorite Classes was IMC Campaigns and I made an A+!

Myself Monday

We're supposed to find faith in the people we can depend on; I was extremely thankful when World Bible Church; handed my caregiver and I Bible's. I don't understand, why some people would trade a whim for what matters most in their life. Educationally and Career Wise a degree in My Field, has been difficult! Though; I long to get more work out there and do not live in blame. 

Living together, . . . can feel, like a drag, . . . I have, yet, too recieve my medicine and I didn't ask My Father for more money today. I'm not, that needy, in other words I'm willing to deal with whatever The Lord Hands Me! While continuing to learn from mistakes, which I don't blame anyone because of. 

Though; I want too truly be myself! The Group Home; doesn't mean that everyone catters to your every wish and Hey! Who are they too be wishing on people, I didn't intrude on other's rights or invade personal space. I've also been here the longest, for almost eight going on ten years.   

I'm Reading, Caitlin Moran's Book "How To Be Famous!" Though I find it kind of an intimitading and futuristically irritating read personally! These blogs, that I have written which are accounted for and unaccounted for mostly went missing. I became nervous, sometime in June, when I was asked about living situations here. It's not for anyone to judge, and I can see how the words fly off the page and I do not take books that personally, although my personal goal is too finish the book by the end of the month!

Supernatural Sunday

 2 Corinthians12:9-10 [The Lord] said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. "So now I am glad to boast about My weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in My weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For When I am weak, then I am strong. 

I have been somber in mind; which I would like to stay in my room most of the day. Cleaning and organizing my papers. Today, is my little sister's birthday, and I just realized that she turns 25 and not 28. My lil' sister and my family supported my recovery. I don't want to turn into a complete basket case, when someone gives you permission to be yourself, it shouldn't come with being angry, and the best thing I found is to give it time. 

Weaknesses; God is in more control of my life than anyone. He makes an incedible difference; I remember days when My Father and Mother, would make jokes about Him Being "Mr. Incredible!" People really do take a pride in their names and lives. I am proud to be their daughter but I am thinking about who I really want to become as my own person. 

Just too wake up, has been a struggle, though I know each day I try to accomplish something. Remembering, it's important not too give up. No Matter, how life gets, or if you have or have not accomplished your dreams, especially for me . . . My Dreams, have gotten the best of me. I don't blame my situation and am making the most out of it.

 

Monday Morn' Medicine

I'm staying safe, in my own part of the room, . . . The Highlight of My Weekend was going to get a fishing license at Academy with My Father. Then, going to get breakfast at Skillet N' Dinner. I appreciate, everything they've done for me. I wouldn't be able to talk about how disrespectful attitudes have surrounded me, at First I wouldn't be able too. 

Would This Be Better Than Morning Meds? 

I'm waiting for my case worker to arrive to fill my medicine reminder. My Room-Mate bought me a lighter and I needed one, but we we're told not too smoke today.  There's a difference between being a supportive friend versus being an overbearing friend. I have not, been, downstairs in the last two hours . . . Staying out of the way. Perhaps, even feeling a bit guilty too have asked My Father for $25, Saturday during His Favorite Football Game on TV!

I am still, unsure, about The Center . . . Which, I was warned about! I wouldn't choose to make fun of disabled people, or say that they're so lonely to want to destroy or hurt themselves. My stories, should or shouldn't continue, though after all it's up too and depending mostly on personal opinion. Creative Critics, and the comfort I learn. After, An Encounter, . . . You Never Forget!  

Saturday To Sunday Friends

 Through all of this; we continue to be individuals stuck in a group home, together, and even when where not friends, we try our best to get along. Living in a trapped field of comradaries; realizes which ones they were and are. Thanks for our week; as I finished off your statement of 

"I/You Will Never Be A Mature Adult Woman If You Don't Pay For It!" I don't always, allow myself to sit as precautious or as harmful as I am right now. Maybe; I asked for money? love? respect? I am tired of writing names and pointing the finger at anyone but myself. Yes; I had a good breakfast, sat down to drink coffee, and have been in the same comfortable clothes all weekend. I'm lucky for anything . . . I do have!

It's a little bit before eight o'clock, when I woke up! Looking to be more informed today and keep myself on current news. I smoked at 8AM and The Group Caregiver . . . arrived at Our Hightower House and had treasures of pretzel rods and caramel popcorn. Then I drank a cup of coffee . . . As If I Were At Starbucks!

Then I smoked; two more cigarettes and had my medication. I haven't recieved any fashionable items in a while. I am trustworthy but lately it's about being cautious! In fact; with inflation and my last purchase of a $25 vaporizer. I don't want to hear about one more person being lustful into  

Healthy Worlds ... What is healthy skin and mostly a racial target is that I am Caucasian. I filled out my form correctly too enter anything I have ever attained and joined.  

Tarrant County MHMR

This Morning; I woke up at 8AM, I felt groggy. We had cereal for breakfast, Cosmic Brownies, they we're very good. I haven't written in a while and I am trying to continue to do good and stay in a good mood.

Although; things like my purple ashtray breaking and a kind friend saying they'd replace it. Then looking at how I refilled my water jar, that I got from a resale shop, the entire reticent was $11.97.  It's that time of a month again and I'm fully supplied for myself with pads. 

My Father bought me new vapor juice last week Black Cherry and Sweet Strawberries. Although; I know that the charger for My Vaporizer is completely torn up. I am hoping and praying that I can buy another Vaporizer. I do need to get it from another shop besides Luxor's. My Luxuries and most precious items are being requested by other women.  

We're all doing the best we can... My phone hasn't gone off! I didn't want my awesome and lifestyle to get me in anymore bad situations. Agreeing with My Own Parents and enjoying what I do have. In a long time and their stating . . . I'm too young to really try to add anything else, too, try to take care of myself. 

I willingly forgive yourself and myself; but I am trying not too worry. I grew up a soldier daughter and a Governments daughter. Though; now the choices they are handing me. Do I know as a 35 year old woman if they are good for me or not?

Super Saturday

​It’s ten minutes till three; my dad is making us a pitcher of coffee and we got haircuts this morning. I’m sipping on my coffee and I have had too many cups to count. Since 6:30AM; when my roommate and I woke up, craving coffee. I’m a recovering addict and I have to stay close to my mental health help.

My caregiver let me take my meds in the reminder box and my dad picked me up at 10AM. Most of the people at “The Group Home”; stayed at the house this weekend and I am glad that my father and I have a close relationship. The elderly caregiver showed up at 8AM and I had my medicine and she fixed me two cups of coffee. I tried not too pester her to much when she was making breakfast.

My son is loving “Transformers Bot Bots” and I must agree, my family is a lot better with him, than I am. I’m here for him but not fully engaging. They even have a show about the toys. My dad is encouraging him to spend time with me; it’s been mostly my fault and I am here for both of them. I gave my dad the book I read about a month ago; “The Night Portrait”.

Fearless Friday

​It’s the end of the week and I am glad it’s Friday. Sitting at the table inside the center and waiting for a cup of coffee. I had three cups of coffee this morning and opened my fourth pack of cigarettes. Drank a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of cereal. It was my second bowl of cereal and I am hoping to get a second cup of coffee. Though the lady watching the center said I would have to wait.

My caseworker stated theirs better things to spend my money on other than cigarettes. My dad was happy; he wouldn’t have to buy me anymore cigarettes when I go see him this weekend. I have six packs of Lucky Strikes left and I just stepped outside to smoke one cigarette and took a couple of puffs of my vaporizer. Waiting for a second cup of coffee and trying to understand where I wrote on today’s plans to research FEAR.

Fear Of The Unknown; and How I Want To Be Comfortable Here.

I’m slowly recovering from my negative past and learning things don’t always go my way. The lady in charge said there wasn’t any coffee left. That’s alright and I’m grateful for the coffee I have received this morning. The more grateful I am the better things get and I find myself not wasting away as much. 

I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had my fair share of panic attacks in the past. God cares enough about us to provide a way through. Sure, my anxiety attack at UTA wasn’t fun and sent me to the hospital for two weeks and I accumulated a lot of financial debt from dropping out. 

Though I am reminded in Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you in my righteous hand. The center is closed on Monday; and I will be spending the weekend with my family.

It’s important that I know that my mental health is more important than college and money. My comfort and receiving the help from caregivers is important and I don’t have to rush the future. Taking one step a day and not overwhelming myself and also to keep taking my medicine and staying calm. I’m nervous about how my sister and son might treat me but I know it’s going to be a good “Father’s Day Weekend”!

Fear Of Limiting Beliefs; or laziness and being overwhelmed.

I shouldn’t compare myself to other’s or live in a fantasy world where I am not prepared to live. I have stated my Limited Beliefs in a previous post and one thing that is important is that we all get along as a family this weekend. 

I’m reminded in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Ways To Overcome These Fears and Starting On My Journey To Succeed.

Thrive on Thursday

​I woke up at 6:30AM; took my medicine and smoked a cigarette, then went back to sleep till 8AM. The new caregiver who has worked a few days, arrived. In the last hour I have had two cups of coffee and three cigarettes. It’s 9AM and our ride to the center just called and said she was on her way to pick us up.

It’s another hot 🥵 day and I am sipping on my first hot cup of coffee and eating my second bowl of cereal. At the house I had a bowl of Cheerios & now at the center I’m eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. Thinking about what I watch going on here at the center and how I am being able to see my family this weekend.

Thrive; means to grow vigorously, to flourish, to gain in wealth or possessions, to prosper, to progress towards or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances. 

I received a call saying that I have an appointment next week on Tuesday the 21st at 2PM, with my PCP. I’m going to be at my family’s house till Monday which is June Tenth; my caregiver has celebrated this holiday a lot and my father is taking off work. Smoked a cigarette and fifteen puffs of my vaporizer; my IPhone acted goofy and I lost what I wrote and had to restart my phone. 

My caseworker came by yesterday and read my blog and some of the notes & commented on my artwork. She was really impressed and said good things about my work. She might come by today and take me to “The Downtown Fort Worth Water Gardens”! Thinking of ways I can thrive by doing what I am doing through writing.

I haven’t been able to read the chapter of the book I am reading “The Lost Family”; the model is cheating on her husband with the tennis 🎾 couch and it’s full of drama. For the most part I stay away from drama but my mom knows that when I was in my twenties I definitely shared in on the drama. I’m grateful that my life is calmer now but I still wish I could do something more productive with my life.

Sitting here at the center; where we are, and finding things to fill my time.

Why We’re Wednesday

​I post the articles that I have read on Pinterest and Twitter. I started college in 05” when I was 15 years old. I’m gratefully connected to The Center and it’s my place of safety; good people, mostly workers, keep us in line and they patiently wait for us to complete our day here. I’m not the one to talk too much and I have just walked back in from smoking two cigarettes and my coffee cup got thrown away.

This blog and although I don’t have a domain and excellent web hosted JohnnaFloyd.Com blog on Wordpress.com; as I haven’t renewed my Wordpress website subscription because of limited financial funds. I take pride in my work and I have been writing since I was 12. That’s when I went into the hospital and needed a spinal tap. I’m diagnosed as bipolar schizophrenia and severe depression seeing a psychiatrist since I had my accident.

I’m planning things to do in the future and hopefully my passion to create a purposeful and creative career in writing; and developing more on Public Relations and Advertising. I know I didn’t graduate and I have had offers to go back to school and am waiting to know what to do with the school loans I have accumulated. I can’t just throw in the towel and give up; I am thirty-four and retired in retail sales.

Something in online customer support, maybe? I struggle to build relationships and I “Know” that eventually something always comes up and God knows my future. Writing has really opened up doors to me knowing myself better and the support and following will come in timing. Knowing that others are busy and being ok with whatever God blesses me with. 

Knowing my parents still support me and I forgot to put Dr. Pepper’s in the fridge this morning. I see my caseworker tomorrow and only have fifteen dollars and don’t want to spend any money. This weekend I am looking forward to spending time with my family. We are hopefully able too exchange the shorts with “Mickey Mouse” for a pair of XL shorts since they’re a M. Which don’t fit me and I wore the sweatpants that say “Hello Kitty” that my sister got me for Christmas.

I’m wanting a better relationship with my sister’s and I will be an aunt soon; my little sister’s time with my son and hoping the relationship with them improves. The more I stay stable and at the group home doing what I am supposed too, the better life will get. I’m proud that I don’t blame anyone and there’s support for mental illness. I’m surrounded by things that make life easier and my mom says too chose my battles wisely.

The idea of starting a magazine and working with mental health resources; has been stated. Knowing that the lady in charge of the day program is also a Minister’s Wife. I have barely started a career for myself and I haven’t worked since I retired from Walmart on RSDI. JF-Design’s and CoDesign and learning more and being persistent and finding ways I can move forward the right way. 

We just ate lunch; chicken fried steak in the microwave and mashed potatoes and green beans. I’m also sipping on my cup of tea and it’s an hour till we smoke and I have six more cigarettes before opening the third pack of Lucky 🍀 Strikes, my dad bought me a carton. I am looking forward to eating steak 🥩 with my family for Father’s Day. Having something to look forward to, really helps and the lady in charge said we will play Bible Trivia soon.

Would On Wednesday

​In the last hour I have drank about six cups of coffee and; I have two jars of instant coffee I bought at the “Dollar Tree”. As well as the big jar of instant coffee my father had bought me this weekend. I’m talking with my housemate’s and the roses 🥀 my father bought are thrown away. Remembering; that Father’s Day is this weekend and dad is coming to pick me up on Saturday. 

It’s also Laundry Day today; I wasn’t the first wash load and there’s five people to do laundry and we also just arrived at The Lions Center. It’s by a house that I was visiting when I had a hard time being sober and recently got torn down. I’ve seen some people on the streets and I am grateful I got away from that kind of life. I’m doing better and it’s been ten months since I last walked away. I’m looking at a coloring page and the coloring pencils set out before me by one of the workers. 

Is today the day to color? I’m also thinking about my sketchbook and the adult coloring books I brought with me. Waiting for breakfast and a cup of coffee. We are told to sit down in our chairs at the table. My planners set out before me and my housemate asked if I would write about our time at the center. The worker just announced she would be bringing our coffee and I have helped before; for about three years I was a waitress.

Today I know I haven’t made excuses for myself and there’s some in here way more mentally sick than myself. I don’t even know what I can say but I have written in my planner; when you connect to your big why you’ll stay on the track towards creating the life you really want to be living! I’ll save the topic of; connecting to my why, for the next post and just relax? 

I also wrote that I need meditation and it will add understanding to my “know”. Getting to the “Spiritual & Intellectual Growth” through allowing truths, insight, and principles change my perspective to better my life. I’m sitting here looking at the coloring page of what seems to be a Polly Pocket doll sitting at a table and chair, like I am, and it says “Let’s meet at the cafe.” I am remembering faces I have met in the past. 

Too much coffee can make your stomach hurt but no one has told me that I drank too much coffee and I haven’t eaten anything for breakfast. I have a pack of cigarettes in my purse and it has ten cigarettes in the pack and I also brought my vaporizer but there’s little to no charge on the Aegis Vaporizer filled with Chic 40mg e-juice. It’s the eighth vaporizer I have had and I have had it since Mother’s Day 21”. 

Tuesday’s Tune

​Drinking my second cup of coffee! I love coffee and cigarettes and we’re waiting for our ride to the center. I am glad to have our housemate back from the hospital. Sitting at the kitchen table and we are both quiet which is good and it seems he/she is feeling much better. I haven’t been in the hospital, all year, and I appreciate that people have noticed I have been doing better than last year. Around this time last year, I was in the hospital four times half way towards the end of the year.

Drinking my third cup of coffee and smoked a cigarette with my housemate. The guy worker is playing music 🎶 on his phone in the room where only workers can sit. The lady in charge of the center still hasn’t called and we’re waiting for her. It’s 8:30AM and I have been awake since 6:30AM. I don’t have much of a morning routine and have read several good ideas. What do you do in the morning that helps? 

We’re at The Lions 🦁 Center and it’s ten minutes till ten. Waiting for breakfast and I am going through Twitter and Pinterest and cutting out the people who I don’t want to follow. Having bravery to get rid of negative energy on social media and I have twice as many people I follow and only a few people following me on social media. Drinking another cup of coffee and about to go smoke a cigarette. 

Drinking a cup of tea and made an 11:11 wish that I could start a career with social media and do well for myself. I have been on Twitter this morning and read several articles on growing traffic. It would be great if I had a following and people liked my blog. I’m still paying attention to Spiritual & Intellectual Growth and am learning about boundaries. It’s lunch time and we’re having sandwiches 🥪!

Monday Morning

​It’s 7:45AM and I woke up an hour ago. My dad took me shopping this weekend; and I am not worrying about money. Knowing I am well taken care of and sitting at the kitchen table with an awesome worker of the group home. The caregiver arrived and I have already taken my medication. She is making us some coffee with the new coffee maker.

It’s too late for me to have breakfast and the owner of the day program drove around after she picked me up for about 45 minutes. I’m sitting at the table and learning about Twitter and how to work with Social Media. I know I want to keep talking about “Personal Growth” and one thing that has really changed is I have thought more in a growth mindset than a fixed mindset. I’m drinking my first cup of coffee at the center and it’s 10:30AM. 

For this week’s topic to learn and research on; I wrote down “Spiritual & Intellectual Growth”. I am trying to manifest a true reality that I can truly begin to love 💕. Letting my inner parent grow more present and compassionate and letting healing happen every day. The house worker who was taking care of refilling medication this morning told me; my blog was good and to keep working on it. I’m learning to be less critical, less worried, and less judgmental. 

Seeking Saturday

​Drinking a cup of coffee and ate a bowl of Cheerios. I’m sitting on my bed and my dad informed me the little one woke up at 4:45AM. Today I would like to talk about being supportive no matter what situation you are in. 

Being Supportive: I need to be as supportive as I can and be there for the people that mean the most in My life.

• Offering genuine encouragement, reassurance, and compassion.
• Providing verbal expressions of sympathy or physical gestures of affection.
• Listening with an open mind and no judgment.
• Avoiding making promises you can't keep.
  
  

I had two cups of coffee and four cigarettes since 7AM. I’m learning supportive habits and learning ways to be more self sufficient. Being open from my own place of truth; hopefully I can see my dad today but if not I know I will be ok and life is good. I think of myself as a supportive individual and today I am being patient and not worried if I can get to do what I want. I’m not sending a ton of annoying text and remaining unselfish by going with the flow. 

Focus For Friday

​Financial Freedom is such a blessing and hopefully an attainable goal I can reach in the future. When not doing good financially; I feel selfish for asking for more. I needed to take a shower but I don’t have any shampoo and the shower is filthy. There are five things I need on a weekly basis; toilet paper, coffee, cigarettes, tide pods, and soda. That’s what I buy every week; things are getting so expensive and I need a way to make some more money.

The new caregiver is here and I took my medicine and smoked a cigarette. Since waking up at 5:45AM, I have smoked six cigarettes and just received my five house cigarettes. I am grateful and even though I am doing the best I can I am needing to do better. I have a counseling appointment this afternoon. The new caregiver is making a pitcher of coffee and my ride to the center said she would be here by 8:30AM.

I talked to my dad yesterday and asked him if he would buy me a carton of Lucky 🍀 Strikes. He did; then I texted him and said I would rather have my $25 a week. I was hesitant this morning and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. He’s taking me out for breakfast tomorrow morning at “Skillet & Dinner” and then we’re going to “Luxor’s Vape Shop”. My dad is very supportive and helpful but never mistake kindness for weakness.

It’s especially important I don’t become a burden on my parents and I am grateful for everything they do for me. The lady in charge of the center picked me up and we arrived at the center at 9:25AM; as she was arriving the elderly housemate who has been here for a while had thrown my phone and was told she would have to find somewhere else to live.

I’m eating breakfast; grits and sausage. Drinking a cup of third cup of coffee and sitting at a table. Despite having a pretty difficult morning and not being able to take a shower. I’m determined to make it a good day and looking forward to my counseling appointment and seeing my dad tomorrow morning.

Although; I haven’t worked in over ten years and my weekly pay has gotten cut in half since the beginning of the year. I know I will be taken care of and things will be alright. I told my father that I have too much stuff in my room and that the house owner is tired of me having a lot of junk in my room. I am focusing on work habits and finding motivation from Pinterest articles; as time progresses I need to be able too show up for myself and work on my future self.

I received my second cup of coffee and am needing help to fill out the rest of my PSY form. There’s several things I can do to make today and the future better and counseling will help. The things I found are; to love myself, use positive self talk, creating and maintaining healthy habits, practicing gratitude, learning new things, mastering my time, making connections, conquering fears, being consistent, finding or renewing faith, and investing in the future.

Teach Me Thursday

​I’m waiting for our caregiver to arrive and sitting on the couch watching the news. I’m looking too love my job as a writer and creative; each new day has an opportunity for me to write and do research. Practicing the skills I will use everyday and being consistent to  taking massive action. We had our toilet mess up yesterday and we were told we would have to pay an extra $20 next month. Although it wasn’t our fault and it eventually got fixed. 

I’m still learning about “Professional Growth” and trying to set goals in order to succeed. I’m hoping that when I go to counseling tomorrow they can start me in the right direction. Arrived at The Lions Center at 9:20AM and took a seat at a table. Had cereal and a cup of coffee and went outside and smoked one ☝️ cigarette. I brought my backpack and purse; and I have about six hours to spend here. 

Massive Action is when you take action until you get your desired results. Daily we are faced with obstacles, problems, and discomfort. It’s almost 8:30AM; and I have been up since 6:30AM, I had my medication 💊 and a cup of instant coffee and have smoked four cigarettes. When thinking about the future and the kind of work I would love to do. I think about improving my blogs and learning to work from my laptop.

Wanting On Wednesday

​The caregivers are here and I had two halfway full cups of coffee ☕️. I’m waiting on my ride to the center; and tomorrow we might not go to the center because we have an appointment with a new person that is taking care of our medication. My caregiver that has been here since the beginning is sorting through medication and my medicine has changed. I told her about my blogging and sent her the links; I also put my links on Facebook.

I want to have a successful career online by becoming an entrepreneur; and she started to talk about how when I first moved here I was going to school at Texas Wesleyan for Productions and Humanities and the project I did on The Group Home; we have had three new people move into the house. The new residents were interested that I am writing about my experiences here at The Group Home. The new elderly lady is supportive and I asked her what I should do and she said “Fund Raising For The Group Home”; as we ate breakfast at the table.

One Minute left for my laundry before I bring it downstairs to the dryer. The caregiver fixed eggs, sausage, and toast for breakfast and I am waiting on the lady from the daycare to pick me up. It’s almost 10AM and I am waiting at the door for my ride to the center. I have my backpack and purse and my laundry is in the dryer. 

It’s almost 2pm and I danced with the group today. When observing life is the cup half empty or half full? I colored in my mandala adult coloring book today. 

 

Working For Wednesday’s

​It’s Wednesday; and when I lived with my family I normally went to church at 6PM at night. I haven’t gone to church on a Wednesday in over six years. When I was, I was going to “Free At Last” or “Single And Parenting”. I also haven’t worked in nine years and today I am learning about “Professional Growth”. I need to find work and something I love to do. 

I’m waiting for the caregiver or the ride to The Lions Center; and I had a cup of instant coffee and smoked four cigarettes this morning. I put my bedding and dirty laundry in the laundry room in my basket with two Tide Pods. Depending on people is sometimes a good thing and there are times it can get ugly. We are told to help at times and I really regret giving up on so much and the times I have had a bad attitude towards situations.

Though; non of that regret does anyone any good and at 34, I need to make wiser and more sound decisions without seeking approval from others. I spent $20 yesterday on three packs of Lucky 🍀 Strikes and a slurpy; leaving me with $15 on Venmo and less than $4 on Chime. I’m glad I have money and look forward to seeing my financial life improve over the next five to ten years.

Strong work ethic defines you and your values; especially when you are punctual and efficient. Since I have been out of market, it will be hard to get back in. Employers might worry that I have lost skills. I worked in retail sales, customer service, as a cashier, and as a waitress from the age of 15 to 26. I was an ok worker but over time I became complacent and unable to work.

I also haven’t driven since I moved here to The Group Home during June of 2016. My father provided two trucks, a mini van, and two cars. I have gotten into wrecks in all of them or destroyed them and I don’t know how I feel about driving or if I will ever drive again. People are complaining that gas is $5 a gallon and I am glad I don’t drive right now.

My role model in charge of the center expressed how she hasn’t had time to read my blogs and I’m in her vehicle and we just stopped by the Post Office. She said she has been trying to get into the new building and will have work for me to do later in the year.

My role model in charge of The Group Home responded to my text and said she will find me something to work on.

Your past doesn’t define your current situation, nor your future. I can learn and concentrate on success and learning from others. While finding it within myself to start earning some money. 

True Test Tuesday

​I’ve been telling other people about my blog and wanting to move forward with my career and online work. Tomorrow I am working on Professional Growth and learning and developing some of the things I love to work on. I turned my laptop on for about three hours when I got home yesterday; although I only wrote a blog entry on JohnnaFloydCom on Wordpress. 

Today I am more focused on my personal life and reading an article about limited beliefs on mylenerietkerk ; one of my limited beliefs is I never graduated and have tried to make money online but it hasn’t and won’t work for me. Instead of keeping at it and working hard with the resources I have to build something that will help me and improve my future.

Another limited belief of mine; is that my relationship with my son won’t improve, he wants nothing to do with me after I abandon him and he needs my parents and not me and our relationship will never get better. I willingly want to work on this limited belief. 

As well as the one limiting belief that I have worked hard on; which is life is hard here and they don’t have my best interest at heart and I am not getting my needs met so I was running away looking to fill that void with other things that only ended in a vicious cycle of being homeless and loosing things and hanging out with bad people and drug use.

Thrive on Tuesday’s

​It’s quite here as the housemate that was having trouble went to the hospital. There’s three of us at the house right now and we’re waiting for our caregiver to arrive in about fifteen minutes. I shared my instant coffee with the new guy and he gave me an American Spirit cigarette. I don’t know how I really feel right now, knowing I have already smoked five cigarettes since I woke up at 6:30AM and it’s almost 8AM.

That sounds like too many to smoke but that’s what I have been doing; who’s to say what’s right and wrong for an individual. I’m waiting for the call that my ride to the center is on the way and I already took my medicine and received my cigarettes. Though when I went downstairs the male worker was here asking if I took my medicine? My medication is working well and I’m glad I have my caseworker bringing me more medicine today.

The caregiver is making us some coffee and it is 8AM. I had a cup of coffee before I got into the lady in charge of the day programs car. We stopped by Family Dollar and she went to go get water. I was going to write about thriving; a word I have read on other articles but I looked the word up and it is a popular health aid. In my opinion the word thrive means about the same as flourish; to do good and move forward.

Thrive; means to grow or develop well or vigorously, to Prosper or Flourish, to gain wealth. To progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances. Right now I’m taking Passive Action; consuming, learning, and becoming inspired. I need to learn to manage unrealistic expectations I have of my social and educational relationships. I also need to take responsibility for actions and thoughts.

I am thriving by depending on God to correct my path and help me deal with the past.

I am eating my pancakes and sausage and received my cup of coffee. God, knows what we need before we do and he knows the path He has lined out for us and knows mistakes of ours before we even make them. God has been so good and I feel like I have started over and have been doing good with his help.

With a new beginning; and seeing that smoking and drinking all that I want is not too good for me. I need to be disciplined enough to make wise decisions for myself and find good ways to move forward. I just went outside and smoked two cigarettes; so I need to read two articles. Though what about the five I smoked this morning? 

If everything was about timing ⏱ how would I better manage my time? The new elderly lady asked what I do at Daycare and how I pay for it. I got a little defensive and told her I didn’t know. My Amerigroup Insurance pays for it and we do whatever we want. One table is playing cards, the table I’m at with another woman brought stuff to do, and many are just sitting and complaining. The lady in charge said we should stretch our bodies. 

The Group Home helps me thrive.

I moved into The Group Home about eight years ago, when my little one was two and a half, in 2016. The caregivers really provide for us. Though I have ran away five times; I am trying to do the right things in life now. I have my bed, my desk, a TV, my laptop, my books, and my clothes, and a good amount of things I have gotten as gifts or bought and collected safe in my room and I don’t have to worry too much about someone stealing from me. I have everything I need at home and don’t really understand what was going on in the past and glad it was nothing too bad that happened.

I am depending on developing my interest to help me thrive; in a career using a lot of what I learned in college.

I’m five courses away from receiving my BA in Communications; school has gotten so expensive, so I highly doubt I will go back. I studied Public Relations and Advertising; I need to research how to make a living doing what I know how to and the magazine idea was a good idea. I have started a Facebook Entrepreneur Page, which has been open for ten years.

Ideas are good but when they are neglected they don’t thrive. I need something substantial to work on and I can do independent studies on topics of things that would help JF-Designs grow and to get started with a mental health magazine. I can’t just hope and wish for my educational mind to start automatically; there’s a lot I could do but I definitely need to keep reading and researching on projects I can do by myself.

I can thrive in my relationships and see things from a better perspective.

There’s good and there’s bad people and I am sure I have written a lot about how people can impact our lives. My family life is thriving and we have spent every holiday together for almost two to eight years and almost every year; except for the times running away and drugs made me disappear. 

My caseworkers and caregivers have really helped me too thrive as an individual and I am grateful. I am slowly letting go of negative relationships that I have made and learning to have a better relationship with myself. 

I am depending on myself to thrive.

At the age of 34 going on 35; I am faced with the decisions of what direction I want to go in. It takes hard work and dedication to do the right things. 

Motivational Monday

​The last sips of my second cup of coffee, tasted like pure joy as I filled out the form for my appointment on Friday at 1PM. I’m sitting here at the table by myself and thinking about the form I just filled out. It asked a lot of medical questions and I filled it out the best I could but I will need help by True Mental Health to complete it. I have the desire to do better and I am developing more discipline though I am going to need counseling.

I’m finished drinking coffee; and waiting till 11AM, when we can go back outside to smoke. I feel motivated but I don’t know what to exactly do with my time at The Lions Center today. I have read three out of seven articles and have four more to read before I catch up with an article for every cigarette. The PSY Form asked about drug use and family history. I’m finding comfort from reading other bloggers topics and I have a ton of Pinterest Boards.

Came back inside the center from smoking; and I need to read six articles. Doing research gives me some more to blog about and I am reading about; Motivation & Mindset. I want to see self growth and growth in my blogging life and the only way too get better at something is to keep at it. Though I don’t have a set to do list I need things that make me better and more to do with my time. Things can always improve but at the same time you and I have to have discipline to not go back to what wasn’t working.

I added $10 to my Chime account from My Venmo; and I have about $15! My caseworker called and said she is coming to bring me my prescriptions and take me to go do something. I’m thinking about going to Dollar Tree & The pizza 🍕 for lunch just arrived. After I ate, the lady in charge, asked me if I had put anymore thought into making a Mental Health Magazine. I have $24 on my Chime Account and $15 on Venmo.

I know I want to make more money and do something as far as my career goes; and she encouraged me to use my laptop more often and do some connecting through social media. Went outside and smoked two cigarettes and I have been spending $18 out of the $25 I receive a week on smoking. It’s only Monday and I don’t want to spend all my money but I want to buy some more cigarettes and some stuff from the Dollar Tree.

Motivationally; my interest in my money situation needs improvement and as I read it is good to learn from success stories.